Commitment and How to Customize Your Relationship

Commitment can be one of the most beautiful things in life. Having the one you love most—your person—by your side every single day provides a sense of stability and comfort that is unlike any other. Commitment, however, can also feel like you’re crashing down into a mountain of misery.

Things always start out beautifully, but the demands of life can sometimes alter how a relationship functions. Whether working together, or against one another, your relationship can potentially take a turn for the worse.

There is only one way to guarantee that your relationship will be filled with happiness, laughter, and love—make it your own. There is so much societal pressure to act a certain way, or follow a specific path, but that doesn’t work for every couple. Communicate. Sit down with your partner and discuss the ways in which your relationship will best operate. Consider what traditions and rules you want to create, as well as the type of lifestyle you hope to lead together.

Deciding what works best for you and your partner is vital in creating a strong, successful commitment. Take time to figure out, within your individual and shared values, how you would like to move forward in your relationship. Commit hand-in-hand, compromise hand-in-hand, and walk through life hand-in-hand.

Sharing a life isn’t always as easy as it sounds. In order to fully commit to your other half and keep your relationship out of the fire-pits of misery, figure out what works best for your both…

Ready to customize your commitment? Here’s how to do it:

Question social norms

Society tells us that we need to follow certain rules to be “accepted.” It can be difficult to veer away from what seems “normal,” but if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Find your own way. Find the appropriate “norm” for your relationship and run with it.

Focus on your happiness

Being happy doesn’t always coincide with what is expected of you by others, i.e. parents, society, culture, etc. Talk to your partner about what is acceptable for you as a couple. Openly discuss some of those especially difficult topics like religion, or how to raise your kids, so you each know what you’re signing up for.

And most importantly, remember that it is difficult to please everyone at the same time—focus on pleasing yourselves and the rest will eventually follow…

Set boundaries

Whether setting boundaries with other people in your life, or with one another, make sure those are in place. Boundaries allow your relationship the space to grow in whichever direction you and your partner choose.

Be honest

Honesty is the best policy. Share your true thoughts, feelings, and needs with your partner. Allow room for an open discussion. If you need to create a special form of communication that you’re comfortable with, go for it. Do whatever it takes to help you both express your process.

Working together is a significant part of growth and commitment, so be sure to make it a part of your day-to-day communication…

Listen

Take the time to hear what your partner is saying. Ask questions when you don’t understand your partner’s perspective, and do your best to acknowledge where he’s coming from. Be respectful. Be understanding. Be kind.

Compromise

Make decisions together. Find what works for you both, even if it’s not ideal, and follow through. Come to a conclusion that both you and your beau are okay with—this will provide peace and comfort, and allows both of you to have your opinions considered. This way, you can avoid resentment, which is the silent-killer of many relationships.

Stick together

No matter what, stand by one another. Support each other. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and vice versa. Do not allow others to dictate what needs to happen in your relationship. Do not allow others to cause conflict on your relationship, or turn the two of you against each other. If you don’t have each other’s’ best interest at heart—if you don’t have each other’s backs—then who will?

Find your way—find what will support the needs of both you and your partner. Be different. Be unique. Be happy. Be in love. Be as committed as you possibly can to a relationship that you love…

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Feeling stuck in your relationship? Here are some things to try…

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xx,

Paula

7 Ways to Embrace the Holidays and Combat Stress

The holidays are just around the corner, and I am beyond excited to start celebrating. Christmas is literally one of my favorite holidays. There’s something particularly special about bundling up by the fire, sipping hot cocoa, and hanging out with loved ones. The best part, however, is having your heart filled with joy and being completely awe-stricken as you stare at the bright, beautiful Christmas tree that’s taking up half of your living room. There’s really nothing like it…

Even though cookie-cutter holidays are what we all strive for, the holidays aren’t always so cheerful. A great deal of issues come up, including family drama, financial troubles, and sometimes, loneliness. Even though the holidays are perceived as the happiest time of the year, they can bring out some really dark feelings.

Stress rises, demands escalate, and money and time are scarce. Sometimes even the brightest of times can open our eyes to a great deal of hardship. So, in the spirit of the holidays, here are some simple strategies to take care of yourself and stay sane…

7 ways to embrace the holidays and combat stress:

Remember what the holidays are about

The holidays are about spending time with the people you love most. We all have that strange Aunt Sharon and creepy Uncle Mark that we’re obligated to see. Regardless, try to focus your time, energy, and joy on the one’s you love most.

Consider obligations

The holidays also call for many obligations, whether familial, at work, or in your relationship. Remember that you are one person, and that you can only do so much. Even though people may expect you to fulfill their requests, it doesn’t mean that you have to.

Set Boundaries

Part of holiday stress is sometimes family, and again, those unfortunate obligations. Be sure to set boundaries. Know your limits, and communicate them to the people in your life. It’s okay to say no when you need to. Again, be sure to take care of yourself…

That money, money, money…

Yes, the holidays are a time of giving, but be sure to give within your budget. It’s exciting to gift the people you love the big items on their wish list, but if it is not fiscally possible don’t do it.

Gifts are about the thought, and your loved ones probably just want to celebrate the holidays with you…

Be present

Whether buying gifts, or having holiday dinner with family and friends, be present. Enjoy every moment. Take in the sounds of laughter, catch all the smiles, really enjoy the eggnog you’re sipping.

Be sure to find fun in the things you need to do as well—there’s always something to enjoy and be grateful for…

Eat, drink, and be merry

Remember to enjoy yourself. The holidays are about happiness and togetherness…soak it all in. Eat, drink, and be merry!

Tradition

There’s nothing more joyful than joining your loved ones in tradition. Whether creating new traditions, or re-living old ones, make them special. Decorate your home, put up a Christmas tree, light the Menorah candles each night…do whatever it takes to embrace the holiday season.

Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones!! 

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Under a lot of stress and not sure how to cope? Check out our 10 tips on how to overcome stress… 

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xx,

Paula

The Secret to Happiness in Life is Just Learning to Let Things Go

Happiness is one of those things that should be a universal right. Unfortunately, it can sometimes be one of the most difficult things to attain. I had this piece published via Elite Daily this morning, and I wanted to share it with you guys.

This piece talks a bit about what it feels like to be a in place where things aren’t going as planned, and you kind of feel stuck. Also, it describes the process in which one can finally reach acceptance. It also  explores why learning to let go is a really important concept.

We have the option to go left or right at the fork in the road. Ultimately, why not take the one, that even if longer and outside of your comfort zone, will have a better outcome?

Check it out here, and please feel free to comment and share your thoughts! 

I hope that this piece can provide some help in a moment of hardship!

xx,

Paula

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Love Happens When You Least Expect It

Love happens when you least expect it.

Love is one of those things that we all hope for. Falling in love has been modeled to us for years in fairytales, films, and even in real life. I always knew I would someday find my knight in shining Armani…at least until I didn’t know.

After having gone twenty-nine years with failed relationship after failed relationship, I hit a point where I no longer wanted to fall in love with someone else.

What I needed was to fall in love with myself.

I took a break from dating and spent the majority of my time doing things that I liked—things that I was doing for me. I spent more time with my family and friends, I traveled, I continued to develop my career, and I enjoyed the little things.

I was happy.

I was excited about life, and I was grateful for how full my life was. I was motivated, and I was looking at the world through a new lens.

I realized that the moment I stopped focusing on what was lacking in my life, was the moment I was able to see just how lucky I was. I was surrounded by wonderful people who cared about me, and I was living a life that I had only dreamt of.

Positivity.

Having a positive outlook on life completely changed my perspective. It made all the difference. I was so grateful for the opportunity to appreciate the things life had provided me. With this, I became more open to the unknown, to new experiences, and also to love.  

Little did I know, but all of the positivity I had been feeling was radiating to those around me. I found myself constantly surrounded by people who were pleasant and vibrant, and before I knew it, love found me.

When I least expected it, the man of the dreams walked into my life.

You know that knight in shining Armani that I had been waiting for my whole life? Yeah, him. He walked through the door and everything changed. I mean, he wasn’t in Armani, but Ted Baker had never looked so good on a man…

Energies attract like energies. It’s the law of attraction. I hadn’t been ready for him because I needed to learn to focus on other aspects of my life—the good things, the little things, the things that brought me joy. I needed to realize that I was enough. When I took the time to work on myself, truly love myself, and take a step back to see just how lucky I was…life sent me exactly what I needed.

It’s not about the destination, but about the journey.

Trust life. Trust the process. When the time is right, you will be provided with exactly what you need. In the meantime, enjoy the ride and appreciate the lessons learned.

Remember, you are always enough…

xx,

Paula