9 Tips on How to Unplug from Social Media

I truly have a love-hate relationship with social media. Times have changed, and we now have 24/7 access to excellent tools that allow us to surf the web at any moment of the day—we literally have the entire content of the internet at our fingertips.

Having access to the internet and social media has been life altering in many positive ways, but is it possible that people are pushing the limits? Is it possible that we have begun to encounter more negative aspects than positive ones? Is having constant access to the internet changing the way in which people interact, view, and experience things?

There are many aspects, such as connecting to others, that have had such a positive impact on the way that people interact. I absolutely love seeing what my friends are posting on social media—whether it’s photos of their burritos, boyfriends, or babies—seeing how happy they are brings me so much joy.

However, there are parts of the online experience I don’t necessarily enjoy. One in particular is when I’m spending time with someone who cannot be bothered to put their phone down long enough to be present and enjoy the time we are spending together.

It’s important to consider if the hype of social media is causing people to forget what living life is all about? Is the need to post a photo, or see someone else’s photos worth missing out on your own experiences?

Life is meant to be personally seen and experienced so we can create memories. Yes, a photo is worth a thousand words, but what if one can’t remember what made taking that photo so special in the first place?

A while ago I posted an article about how the new FOMO is not being able to unplug and enjoy being present in the life you’re living—the fear of missing out on real life experiences and joy. With this, it’s also important to learn how to unplug.

Check out these 9 easy tips on how to unplug:

Put the device down

Seriously, the first step is to put the phone down. When with others, turn it off or put it on vibrate and focus on those in your presence. Enjoy the time you spend with others—time is the one thing that we can never get back, so make it worth while…

Look around

You may see things you never saw before. Beauty is sometimes in the places we least expect. So again, put the phone down, walk with your chin up, and enjoy your surroundings.

Engage others

Spending time with your friends? Great. Talk to them. Shoot the shit. Laugh together. Whatever you do, just enjoy yourself.

Live for you and no one else

Engage in activities because they will improve your quality of life and add value to your life. Refrain from doing things because “everyone else” is, or because it’s “cool.” Imagine yourself looking back twenty years from now—will that memory make you smile and have positively contributed to your life somehow? If the answer is no, it’s definitely something to re-consider…

Don’t judge a book by its cover

Social media may not be an accurate depiction of people’s lives. Hence, it’s important to live the best version of your own life. Yes, FOMO is a real thing, but make sure it’s a fear that’s actually worth giving up valuable time and experiences.

Unfollow models and bloggers

Seriously, unfollow. The lifestyle that people are paid to lead is not realistic. Do not feel like you are missing out. The sooner you can unfollow these accounts, the sooner you can live the amazing life sitting right under that beautiful nose of yours…

Focus on you, because you are beautiful.

Do not seek validation online

The number of likes on your Instagram or Facebook are in no way equal to your worth as a person—you are worth so much more than a virtual thumbs-up. The sooner you can see this, the sooner you can put that phone down…

Less is better

Privacy is a beautiful thing. Less is better. The less you post, the less people know about you. There is so much data on the internet, and that can sometimes be scary. Do you want everyone to have access to where you are and what you’re doing? Remember, once something is posted, it can never be unseen. Post with discretion.

Go off the grid

Going off the grid can be so badass. As mentioned above, people are now able to access our every move and see exactly where we are and what we’re doing—some secrecy can go a long way…

social media | unplug | be present | less is better | internet

Is social media bringing you down? Read up on how it might be destroying your self-esteem…

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on PinterestGoogle+FacebookInstagram, and Twitter!

xx,

Paula

Millennials and the Transition from Twenty to Thirty

The transition from twenty to thirty has proven to be rather special for millennials. Unlike previous generations, millennials have had ample time and opportunity to live out dreams and adventures. Although the desire to explore life still exists among those in their thirties, there is definitely a drastic shift in lifestyle between twenty and thirty. Whether it be the way millennials in their thirties socialize, make lifestyle choices, or love their partner, it is not nearly the same as being twenty.

I was definitely one of the millennials that had the opportunity to move away for college, travel, develop friendships that will last a lifetime, and really figure myself out. The way I lived when I was twenty is very different than the standard of living I desire now. It is possible that this is due to societal norms and expectations, but also, I think people grow out of certain things.

Growing out of things, or growing up has a lot to do with sense of self, the stability one creates, and maturity. Over that decade, each person is able to discover the direction in which they would like their life to go. Regardless of being single, or married, in a career, or in school, or living in your parents’ basement—we all make choices that allow us to best convey our values.

I believe that as a person, we remain the same. I am who I am, and my age will never change that. However, as I grow up the things that I find to be most important shift.

What the transition from twenty to thirty looks like…

Big dreams

The things we desire in our thirties are significantly different than those in our twenties. The dream is now owning a home, or starting a family. Again, this is a reflection of the life one envisions for themselves, but as we get older, the dreams get bigger and bigger—literally and figuratively.

Time and convenience

Thirty makes it much more difficult to find a reason to engage in an inconveniencing task. Those tedious, awful undertakings, like finding parking in LA, or waiting in line at the hottest “it” bar, can cause one to reconsider whether to pursue that activity or not. Time is of the utmost importance, and wasting that time is not the business.

Health

More than ever before, leading a healthy life in all aspects—mind, body, and soul—is a top priority. Having a burrito every day is no longer okay. Drinking your liver away every weekend is no longer okay. As you grow up, you realize that you only have one body—it’s beautiful, it is a gift, and it’s important to take care of it.

Balance

Balance is crucial to the success of any adult, whether twenty or thirty. Life pulls us in so many directions these days—not to mention, stress levels are higher than ever before. Finding balance in order to sustain wellness is pertinent. Meditate, stop answering work calls when you’re off the clock, get a massage every month—whatever it takes, find balance.

Fun

Ah, fun. The things that change the most. Currently, I enjoy staying in, taking my dog to the park, watching TV with babe, and going to bed at 10PM. In my previous life—my twenties—we would just be starting the night at 10PM. I look back and can’t even imagine how I used to keep up with that lifestyle. Regardless, I wouldn’t change a thing, past or present…

Graduation parties vs. wedding parties

Literally everyone and their mothers gets married around thirty. It’s so exciting to see my closest friends find their soulmates and begin a life together. Marriage is a pretty big deal, even though it may not seem like it. We’re not in college anymore, Toto…

Family

Spending time with family isn’t at the top of your list when you’re trying to figure out who you are, and where your place in the universe is. Twenties are meant for solo time. Thirties, however, are meant for rejoining the family dynamic—or creating a family of your own. Spending more time with your parents and siblings, really getting to know your nieces and nephews, and possibly having your own child, become such a substantial part of your life. It’s quite lovely…

The hott guy vs. the good guy

Choosing a partner is always a task, whether you’re in your twenties or thirties. The difference is, however, that what you’re looking for in a partner changes. You start to consider the long-term: Do you want the same things? Have the same values? Are you compatible? Do you enjoy the same activities? Do you like your partner’s family? All of these things become important. I mean, this is the rest of your life we’re talking about, not just a date to the school dance.

Yes, thirty seems to be more serious, but it’s also a time to cherish all that you have accomplished—you owe it to yourself to live the life that you want, no matter what others say…

millennials | growing up | transition | lifestyle |thirty | twenty

Feel like you’re missing out on all the things you used to do? Check out why it’s important to unplug…

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on PinterestGoogle+FacebookInstagram, and Twitter!

xx,

Paula

Relationships: How to Know if it’s Real Love

Relationships are particularly tricky, especially when trying to figure out whether it’s real love or not. When we are in a new relationship, it’s as if the world is now made of chocolate chip coated cotton candy clouds. Everything is pleasant, and peaceful, and your heart is so filled with joy that it’s left your body and made its way up to heaven without you.

This initial stage of love, also known as the honeymoon phase, is so much fun. But once your cotton candy bubble pops, your love can look significantly different. The question is, however, is it the love that’s different? Or is it you that’s feeling different?

Being in love can lead to a skewed perception of reality. Feeling all the love can cause one to ignore possible red flags, potentially turn a blind eye to dishonesty, and even accept behaviors that aren’t okay. Once you’re able to make your way back down to planet earth from those cotton candy clouds, you may, or may not, like what you’re seeing.

There can be a wide-array of barriers when it comes to actually understanding whether the relationship you’re in is right for you. Is it healthy? Is it making you happy? Are you at ease? Every single person has a unique set of needs when it comes to finding the right partner, as well as the right kind of love. There are many things to consider, so what do you need to look for to discover if it’s real love?

How to know if love is real… 

Self-love

When you find the right kind of love, it becomes a lot easier to discover just how much you love yourself. I truly believe that self-love is part of the foundation of any successful relationship. Alongside trust, communication, and respect, the way in which you love yourself is also how you will accept love. When you love yourself, you have the insight and ability to know whether or not you’re not being treated appropriately, and you can better understand if this love makes you feel good about life and yourself. When it’s real love, you’ll feel it in your bones…

Boundaries

Being able to set boundaries with your partner, and make him or her aware of your needs is crucial to the success of your relationship. Anyone can set boundaries, however, it’s whether or not your partner respects those boundaries. If your needs aren’t being met, it possible that you won’t continue to be cuddled up in your cotton candy clouds.

Things are easy

Yes, all couples have problems and conflict can sometimes arise. But if at the end of the day things flow pretty nicely, and being together is easy and fun, you’re definitely on the path to a healthy relationship.

Relationships are not meant to be hard, they’re meant to be fulfilling and joyful…

Lifestyle and compatibility 

Do you two like the same things, and want to live life the same way? Are you able to complete your partners sentences? Do you know exactly what your partner is thinking when he sees the dog with the rainbow mohawk walking down the street? That’s great. You’re compatible, you want the same things in life, and you understand one another. Being able to engage in fun activities together allows your love to blossom and build a strong bond.

Compromise

When you and your partner are able to make decisions based on both of your needs without becoming resentful, you’re solid. Engaging in a discussion about potential life altering changes, and figuring out how to make those changes, all while respecting one another, has a lot to do with love. If someone doesn’t love you, they wouldn’t be willing to switch things up and make improvements.

Guilt be gone 

Guilt is something you don’t want in a relationship. Being able to put yourself first, whether it be for your career, schooling, or for the sake of balance, without your partner making you feel guilty, is pretty spectacular. Knowing that you are free to do whatever you need without worrying that you’ll come home to an angry partner is truly a gift.

If your partner understands you and provides you the space that you need to care for yourself, that is a selfless act. It’s kind, and it conveys a great deal of love…

Acceptance

Accepting one another, as you are, and not wanting to change a thing is a very loving gesture. It is hard to enjoy every single thing about a person, but if you are capable of doing that with your partner, it’s real love.

Love is all around you. How you choose receive and extend love is up to you…

real love | relationships | love | lifestyle

~Photo by Christian Gertenbach on Unsplash~

Getting too comfortable in your relationship? Peek our tips on how to keep the novelty alive…

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on PinterestGoogle+FacebookInstagram, and Twitter!

xx,

Paula

15 Non-Negotiable Rules For Navigating The World Of Your Twenties

It’s all about life rules…

Millennials | rules | life | lifestyle

Hey guys! I feel so lucky to have had another piece shared via Thought Catalog. This particular piece is very special to me because it’s about many of the life lessons I’ve encountered over the years. These non-negotiate life rules have helped me lead a healthier, more balanced lifestyle.

Whether in your 20’s, 30’s, or 40’s, know that these rules will always be by your side to provide you the support and logic that you need.

These rules also help you remember what’s actually important in life. Like people, and our families…

Of all the things discussed in the article, this is my favorite:

Have no regrets

Life happens—it is what it is. Regardless of the situation, you must have been able to take something valuable away from even the most awful moments. Life itself is a huge learning experience. Embrace the good and the bad—find the silver lining. The things you learn will come in handy someday.”

Spread love like confetti, and cherish the love and care that you are provided by those that matter. Be happy, and appreciate the little things.

Life is meant to be lived, so laugh, love, and do the things that bring you joy…

xoxo,

Paula

Inspired to make some changes? Check out why you need to unplug…

Why It’s Important to Travel with Your Partner Before Tying the Knot

Travel is such an important part of life. Travel allows for new experiences, personal growth, and the ability to really get to know someone else. Whether doing it solo, with friends, or with your partner, your joint travel experience can define that relationship.

 I’m one of those people who can’t travel with just anyone. Because of this, I was pretty nervous about taking a 3-week international trip with my beau. We’ve been together for over a year, and our local trips have been great. I literally can’t get enough of this guy. BUT, traveling across the world, while trying to navigate a new place, in a foreign language, with varying cultural norms, can create some friction. 

The primary question I got from friends when we got home was, “did you guys fight?” This was confusing to me—were we supposed to fight? Luckily, there were no arguments, and we had an amazingtime. 

Having had the opportunity to spend 24-uninterrupted-hours together each day for 3-weeks helped me realize just how much we love each other. However, if we weren’t compatible enough, many things could have gone wrong. And if they did, we may not have returned as two people in love…

Consider these 7 things when traveling with your partner before tying the knot: 

1. Making plans

Making plans is so important. Whether it’s for dinner, travel, your new apartment, or your future family, being on the same page is crucial. What’s your travel destination? What attractions will you visit? What type of food will you eat? Will you rent a car? Or utilize public transportation? Will you stay in a hostel? Or a fancy hotel?

Being able to weight the pros and cons, and make a joint decision that both parties are comfortable with is just the first step. If the two of you desire different things, making plans can potentially become a barrier to moving forward in your relationship. 

2. Compromise

Compromise is also part of making plans—can the two of you work together to settle on something you’ll both be happy with? It can be one person choosing hotels, and the other booking tours, or both of you planning everything together. Whatever it may be, make sure you are both happy with what’s coming. 

3. Lifestyle

Leading a similar lifestyle is vital when it comes to travel. Are you wanting to go on a foodie tour? See the sights? Visit the museums? Or climb Mount Kilimanjaro? Will you both agree on engaging in the same activities? Or will it become a battle? 

My beau and I decided early on that we wanted to eat our way through Europe. We wanted to get lost in each city, and take in as much of the culture as we could. We did not plan any tours, nor did we engage in the craziest activity that city had to offer. Our desire was to enjoy our vacation and go with the flow.

If we hadn’t agreed on the same things, it would have been totally possible for conflict to arise.  

4. Spending time 

I think spending an extended period of time with someone and not wanting to punch them is a reallygood sign, lol. Are you able to tolerate your partner 24/7 for several days and/or weeks? Are you able to remain patient? And kind? And not find something to bicker over? 

If you can handle constantly being in close quarters for several weeks, sometimes under difficult circumstances, you and your beau can really get through anything…

5. Having fun

Do you have fun with your partner? Does your partner suggest activities that you both enjoy? Taking pleasure in the time you and your partner spend together, even if you’re doing nothing, is crucial to the success of a relationship. 

You can’t always be happy, and life isn’t always fun, but there should be more good times than bad… 

6. Listen to your gut

Are you at ease? Or are you anxious? Are the butterflies in your tummy from excitement? Or from nervousness? Listen to your gut. Our bodies can sense things that we might not yet realize. Living a life where you’re constantly on edge is not healthy. Be aware of what your body is trying to tell you…

7. What’s next?

Will you come back from your trip knowing that this person is the one for you? Or will you return wanting to end things? Long trips can do that, and it’s okay. If you can’t tolerate two weeks with your partner, how are you going to endure a lifetime? 

Traveling with your partner before tying the knot can reveal a great deal about both you and your partner. If you’re both on the same page, and have the ability to work together as a team, your relationship is probably in a healthy place…

travel | dating | marriage | relationships | travel with your partner | compromise

Love your partner, but not sure how to show it? Read up on how to love your partner wholeheartedly…

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on the following platforms: PinterestInstagramTwitterGoogle+, and Facebook!

xx,

Paula

10 Emotional Consequences of a Dysfunctional Relationship

If you’ve ever been in a dysfunctional relationship, please raise your hand. Yup—my arm is definitely in the air…

The battle with dysfunctional relationships is that they may not seem so bad at first. The red flags are usually there, but they’re not severe enough to cause alarm until you’re in pretty deep. Or it’s possible that it was a choice to overlook those concerning behaviors all along. Regardless, they’re very misleading…

I decided to address this topic today because a reader recently reached out to me and shared her story. I think it takes a lot of courage to become aware of how dangerous some of these red flags are, and most importantly, being able to acknowledge that you deserve better. I personally went through something very similar, and experienced many of the emotional obstacles discussed in this article.

While undergoing the internal struggle between the madness of things eventually getting better, or you needing to make a run for it, it’s possible to suffer a great deal of psychological and emotional harm in the interim. With this, you begin to question everything and start to feel that you don’t deserve better. But guess what? You do!

That’s what a dysfunctional relationship does—it causes you to feel as though you are not worthy of love, and care, and happiness, and stability, and all other things that allow one to feel secure and safe. But you are worthy.

Dysfunctional relationships can cause a lot of damage, and whether you’re in a place where you’re contemplating a break-up, or have already walked away, there is a great deal to overcome once it’s over…

10 emotional consequences of a dysfunctional relationship:

1. Decreased self-esteem

It’s difficult to feel good about yourself when the person who is supposed to bring out the best in you makes you feel small.  Actions such as pushing you away, making you feel unwanted or unimportant, constantly placing blame, or only pointing out your faults, can absolutely cause a significant drop in your self-worth.

In situations like this, remember that you’re not the problem. This type of treatment is unacceptable. Be sure to stand up for yourself (if safe), and engage in activities that will your self-love on a daily basis. Constantly use this as a reminder of just how great you are…

2. Feeling at fault

Remember that the way in which your partner acts or treats you is not your fault. Each person is responsible for their own actions, and should be able to address matters in a respectful and kind way. If your partner makes you feel as though they need to treat you poorly, that is not on you. And you shouldn’t tolerate that type of treatment either…

3. Somatic symptoms

Sometimes our feelings can be so severe that they physically manifest themselves. Going through an emotional rollercoaster can literally make you feel sick to your stomach. If you start to experience physical symptoms that are out of the ordinary, schedule an appointment with your doctor.

At this point, it is important to consider the way in which your relationship is effecting your health. Your wellness should always be your top priority.

4. Lack of motivation

It’s really difficult to achieve your goals and focus on the things that matter when you’re distracted by your relationship. Not to mention, negative feelings and decreased self-esteem can strongly interfere in your successes.

5. All the negativity

Experiencing a plethora of negative thoughts and feelings over an extended period of time can be very unhealthy. Between the anger, resentment, sadness, self-doubt, and disappointment, it can feel nearly impossible to find some joy.

Try to keep your head above water by surrounding yourself with people you love—people that are supportive. Engaging in activities that make you feel good is also a healthy way to combat some of the negativity…

6. Inapt priorities

Our priorities shift due to life circumstances. When in a dysfunctional relationship, priorities become blurred, and what’s important can sometimes be placed on the backburner. Be sure to always put yourself first and maintain sight of your needs.

7. Isolation

Depending on the direction in which your relationship is going, it’s possible that you may become isolated. Whether you’ve become disinterested in socializing, or spend all of your free time with your partner and his circle or friends, this can be very serious. Try to remain in contact with your friends and family, and make time to see them.

Also, feeling isolated and unsupported can absolutely hinder you from walking away from a dysfunctional relationship, if you decide to. Your social network is a resource—keep the lines of communication open.

8. Learning to tolerate abuse

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms, including emotional, verbal, and physical. Being mistreated so often eventually starts to feel normal. This is extremely problematic, and being abused is never okay. If you need help, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

9. Tolerating dishonesty

Whether lying, cheating, or stealing, dishonest behavior should not be tolerated. Trust is an important part of any relationship, and you deserve better.

10. Losing yourself

Whether losing sight of who you are, or losing your voice and ability to stand up for yourself, this is the most difficult emotional outcome to recover from. Not being heard when trying to speak your mind is destructive and hurtful. Being with a person who is not interested in hearing your thoughts or feelings is a person that is not worthy of you

Dysfunctional relationships are exactly that, dysfunctional. Don’t allow yourself to feel that you are to blame for all of the misfortunes of your relationship. You’re not, and you deserve more

relationships | love | dysfunctional relationship | emotions

Not sure how to walk away from your dysfunctional relationship? Read up on how to prepare yourself here

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on the following platforms: PinterestInstagramTwitterGoogle+, and Facebook!

xx,

Paula

Is Social Media Destroying Your Self-Esteem?

Social media has such a significant influence on society, and the vast majority of posts involve adveritsements. I can’t remember a time when there was such an emphasis on things as there is now. Not that I’ve been around that long, but it seems as though material objects matter more now than they ever have before. There are many factors that can potentially be responsible for this phenomenon, however, it seems as though the Instagram and Facebook feeds may be the culprit.

From the fashion bloggers, to the travel bloggers, or anyone who is paid to advertise a product or location, you find yourself somehow sucked into the “wow I wish I had that” mindset. This newfound desire for things has created such a significant emphasis on having more, wanting more, needing more. From the fancy designer handbag, to the newest fancy iPhone, to the fancy hotel vacation—YOU NEED TO HAVE IT.

Not only is social media keeping us from appreciating the amazing things we do have, but it’s also creating a sense of inferiority. I am not enough. Not rich enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough…

This is absolutely invalid. You are everything. You don’t need things to be happy. You don’t need to go into debt in order to buy the lavish items being advertised on your feed.

Here is why It’s important to keep media at face-value:

1. Work, work, work

Bloggers get paid to look good. They get paid to write a review on a new product. They get paid to tell you what’s cool. Does that mean whatever they’re advertising is necessarily the new cool thing? Maybe, maybe not. Also, they usually get the item for free, whereas most normal people don’t have that luxury.

2. It’s a team effort

From photographers, to videographers, to make-up artists, chefs, or personal trainers, to a writing team, it’s not a one (wo)man show. Everyday people leading normal lives cannot be expected to have the same appearance or lifestyle because between work, family and friends, laundry, making dinner, walking your dog, and sleep, it’s impossible to live a life such as those displayed on social media.

3. Why can’t life always be this breezy?

Life isn’t always about rainbows, unicorns, and Bentleys. Life is hard. Based on the images presented to us via social media, we are expected to believe that life is perfect. Perfect relationships. Perfect bodies. Perfect homes. But that’s exactly what it is, a belief. Our imperfections make us who we are, and they should be valued.

4. The exhaustion factor

Between everything going on in life and working crazy hours, I have no desire to be fully made-up every single morning. Sometimes I like throwing my hair up in a bun and wearing my most oversized, comfy sweater. Once my smile is on, I have all I need.

If feeling comfortable in your own skin isn’t considered beautiful, I don’t know what is.

5. The comparison

Please, please, please do not compare yourself to any of the people portrayed on your Instagram feed. These are images of people who are hired to look/act/do things a certain way. It is not realistic. Again, take it at face-value—that’s all it is.

6. That money, money, money

Seriously, don’t go broke for buying items you don’t need because social media tells you it’s supposed to be cool. What’s actually cool is not spending a fortune on random objects and owing a big bank somewhere a lot of money. You’re already a badass without all the extra stuff…

7. You are enough.

Don’t ever allow anyone to make you feel that you or the things you have are not enough. You are perfect just the way you are. You are beautiful. You are talented. You are intelligent. You are the perfect version of yourself.

social media | self esteem | online | you are enough | unplug | self love

Feel like you’re missing out on your life because of social media? Read up on why it’s important to unplug

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on the following platforms: PinterestInstagramTwitterGoogle+, and Facebook!

xx,

Paula

FOMO: Why You Need to Unplug

FOMO is real. Seeing all of the photos and videos of friends traveling and going on fun adventures makes you want to do that too, right? You want to be at that big party. You want to be at Coachella. You want to be part of all the fun—it’s near impossible to unplug.

So you spend a lot of time looking down at your device feeling left out and uneasy about what you’re missing. Even if you’re out doing your own thing, your focus is on Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook—you just can’t seem to unplug.

What if the real fear is that you’re actually missing out on right now. By taking time away from your friends and your own life to look into the lives of others, you are missing out on time that you’ll never get back. Moments that you’ll never get back. Missing out on making the memories that you’ll never forget.

Yeah, it’s cool to look at photos of others and seeing what they’re up to, but taking time away from your life to stay plugged in is not healthy. It’s important to remember that photos are only a partial, and potentially skewed, representation of what’s actually happening. So why live “vicariously” through others, when you can reap joy from your own life?

Have you ever considered what it would be like for you to put your device down and focus on the activity in which you are engaging? To really live your life? What are the benefits of unplugging…?

Here are the possible benefits when you unplug:

1. Live in the moment

BE PRESENT. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, be there. Mind, body, and soul, be there. Drop your device, unplug, and enjoy yourself. When you’re present, you’ll notice people and things you never did before, which can be a blessing.

2. Be social

Focus on those sitting across from you at dinner, or those around you at an event. Make eye contact, smile, ask questions, laugh. There’s nothing more exciting than getting to know someone new, or further establishing an existing relationship. Network and get to know others—you may be surprised by what you learn.

3. Enjoy the simple things

Look up. Look around. What do you see? When you’re not staring down at your screen, you are exposed to the beauty that surrounds you. Unplugging is super important for your overall wellness. Awareness can be a very powerful tool, especially when it supports your efforts to appreciate the little joys in life…

4. Go with the flow

Sometimes the things that we least expect end up being the most valuable—go with the flow and see what life hands you. This idea goes hand-in-hand with living in the moment. Constantly having plans isn’t always the best thing…

5. Fly solo

Spending time alone, without your device, allows time for self-reflection, relaxation, and the possibility of new experiences. Maybe you’ll meet someone new, or explore a new place—flying solo can be exciting.

6. Feel less pressure

When you’re not stalking others or posting photos of everywhere you go, everything you do, and everything you eat, you provide yourself with space. Depending on how often you choose to post, there’s a sense of pressure to keep up with those in your social circle, or interact with your audience. When you decrease the amount of time spent staring at your phone, you may feel less pressure to do things for the sole reason of posting.

Don’t live so you can post, post so you can remember how you lived.

7. Appreciation

When you’re not focused on what others are doing, you have the ability to appreciate your experiences and the life that you live. You will be more fulfilled, and will have acquired the key component to happiness…

8. Quit comparing

Living in your moments, rather than those of others, will help emit the fear of missing out. Having realistic expectations is also crucial. Live within your means, and don’t compare yourself to others. The majority of people in the world are not fancy bloggers, models, or millionaires—they are regular people like you and me. Always remember that you are blessed with wonderful friends, family, and experiences.

Bottom line, quit comparing yourself to others because it’s just not healthy.

9. Be yourself

Being online can require a bit of a façade sometimes. When you’re not attached to your phone, you get to live a real life where you can be yourself. Being present and feeling alive doesn’t require a façade, it doesn’t require a device, it just requires you.

Be you, love you, and live your life to the fullest—without your phone! Just unplug…

unplug | fomo | social media | be present | communication

Feeling like you need to take better care of yourself? Check out these tips on how to give your body some TLC.

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on the following platforms: PinterestInstagramTwitterGoogle+, and Facebook!

xx,

Paula

How to Say Goodbye to an Unhealthy Relationship

Being in an unhealthy relationship can break your spirit, but so can saying goodbye…

You’ve found yourself in a relationship that makes you unhappy. In a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. In a relationship that is unhealthy for you. Are you ready to abandon ship?

Sure, but how?

Living through the cycles of an unhealthy relationship is very familiar to me. Deciding to quit the person you love, or think you love, is a struggle that I wish on no one.  Not only are you internally battling yourself, but making your way out will most likely cause a scuffle.

The decision to leave the relationship, in and of itself, is tough. You start to look back at all the great times you’ve had together and wonder how you’ll survive without your beau by your side. You count all the months and years you’ve spent building a life together, and don’t want it all to go to waste. You reflect on all of the adventures you’ve had together, and just can’t imagine exploring the world with anyone else.

I know, I’ve been there. It’s hard to believe that you can wake up and not see your partners face. To hear a funny joke and realize that they’re not by your side giggling too. How can you live a day without the love of your life?

Guess what? Life goes on, and so will you.

Fear is not a valid reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship that makes you miserable and causes distress. Yes, you invested a lot of time. Yes, it will be hard to let go. Yes, you will heal and eventually find that life is better without this person.

You will be doing yourself a colossal disservice by staying in a relationship that is making you unhappy because you’re scared of the unknown. You deserve the best that life has to offer, and it’s up to you to advocate for your happiness and wellness…

10 Ways to Prep Yourself for Saying Goodbye to an Unhealthy Relationship:

1. Weigh the pros and cons

Make a list of all the good and bad things about your relationship. What aspects of your relationship are positive and give you happy feels? What aspects make you feel angry, sad, resentful, etc.? Are there things about your partner that drive you absolutely crazy? Or things that make you smile so hard your face feels like it’s going to fall off? If the bad things outweigh the good, you’ll need to reconsider where you stand…

2. Consider how often you’re happy

Once upon a time I thought that it was acceptable to be in a relationship where happiness was a distant concept. Now that I’m in a relationship where I feel happy at least 90% of the time, I know that happiness really isn’t an inaccessible notion. If you’re with the right person, in the right kind of relationship, you should be happy more often than not.

So, think about it: how often are you happy in your relationship?

3. Make final attempts

Know that you did everything you could to make it work. Improving communication, making changes and compromises, taking a break, going to counseling, etc. If after you’ve done literally everything to make it work, and it’s not—then it’s just not working. No regrets.

4. Don’t blame yourself

Relationships are a two-way street, and even though you may have done everything in your power, there’s a chance it still won’t work out. If someone really wants to be in a relationship, they will also do whatever it takes—you are not the only one to blame for the failure of your relationship. Remember—It takes two to tango.

5. Create a plan

Whether it’s looking for a new place to live, figuring out who gets custody of the dog, or deciding how to call it quits—have a plan.  Make sure that all of your bases are covered, especially if you two have any financial/legal ties.

6. Reach out to your support network

When in certain relationships, we become isolated or spend less time with friends and family. Reach out to the people you love. Rekindle those friendships and get together. If you feel comfortable doing so, let them know what you’ve been going through.

Break-ups are never easy, and you will need a tremendous amount of support during this transition. Know who to call, and who to count on. Be sure that you are well supported, because you’re going to need all the TLC you can get…

7. Know that you deserve better

Again, I know making a move as significant as this one is terrifying. You’re so doubtful, and fearful, and unsure of what the future will offer, but know that you deserve better than what you’re going through right now. Love is supposed to be a beautiful thing—and not just temporarily. Remind yourself that you deserve to be happy, even if that means finding happiness on your own first.

8. Take a trip to Muscle Beach

Always remember how strong and resilient you are. Regardless of the circumstances, you’ve made it this far. You’ve made it through a tremendous amount of hardship and struggle in life. You have what it takes to get through this—don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

9. You will survive

Initially, things are going to suck. But know that you will be okay. You will survive this, and it will only make you stronger—so cliché, I know. Most importantly, don’t believe your partner when they say you’re nothing without them. You are everything you’ll ever need, plus some.

10. Embrace life & love yourself

Along with knowing that you deserve better, give yourself permission to experience joy again. Do the things that you once loved, and find new things that bring you pleasure. Be free of criticism and hurt, and live life in a way that is fulfilling. Love yourself.

If you don’t love yourself, no one else will be able to love you the way you deserve to be love.

unhealthy | relationships | saying goodbye | break-ups

Not sure how to cope with the actual break-up? Check out these tips on how to move forward….

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on the following platforms: PinterestInstagramTwitterGoogle+, and Facebook!

xx,

Paula

How to Best Cope With a Break-Up

Going through a break-up can be rough…

You and your beau just ended things. You’re still trying to fathom what the hell just happened. Is it really over?? What? Seriously, what just happened?

All of the moments shared, the nights of laughter and cuddles, all of the fun and adventure…turns out it wasn’t enough. None of it makes any sense. How can you live a life where your beau isn’t by your side?

We’ve all been there, and have made it through that unthinkable mess. No matter how many times you go through heart break, it never gets easier. If anything, it gets harder. As we get older, we tend to have more meaningful relationships, too. With this, we invest more, we have future plans, and it feels nearly impossible to walk away.

A very good friend of mine was sharing with me how difficult it’s been to try and move forward after her break-up. She and her fiancé broke it off, and it’s been devastating. She and the person that committed to spending their lives together just bailed. We’re not talking about cancelling a dinner and a movie date here, we’re talking about walking away from forever.

Whoa. That’s heavy.  

So how do you make it through a break-up? Other than watching Dirty Dancing, and scream-singing at the top of your lungs to your favorite Dashboard Confessional songs, there are plenty of things you can do.

Check out my guide to best cope with a break-up:

1.Prohibit contact

I truly believe in a no contact policy. This was something I did with my last break-up, and it made things so much easier. Cut the ex out of your life, cold turkey. It can be difficult, but it’s well worth it. If you absolutely need to, replace the ex’s number with your best friends’. Any desire to make contact will be fulfilled by connecting with someone else that you love.

NO. CONTACT. POLICY.

2. Say goodbye to social media

Whatever social media platforms you two are friended on, DELETE THE EX ON ALL OF THEM. Seriously, you just have to. In order to move on, you cannot know what your ex is up to, where your ex is, or who your ex is now dating. Pressing that unfriend button will provide you with the space you need to start letting go—it will allow you to move forward. It really is the first step…

It doesn’t hurt to delete all of the ex’s family and friends too. Yes, there may be some mutual friends you still really like, and that’s fine. However, you might want to consider limiting what shows up on your feed for the first few months…

3. No cyber stalking

Seriously, no stalking. It is detrimental to your healing, and seeing things you don’t want to see will be very hurtful. Like, so unbelievably hurtful. Don’t do it.

4. Get out there

Whether it’s seeing your family more often, arranging dinner dates with your girlfriends, or joining a kickball league, get out there. Being social will help you remember that there is life outside of your failed relationship. It will also remind you of how much fun you can have.

5. New experiences

Go on adventures. Whether solo, with friends you’re re-connecting with, or new friends, just get out there and enjoy yourself. Life has so much to offer! When in a relationship for so long, trying new things that are outside of your comfort zone aren’t typically the norm. The newer the experience, the better.

6. Appreciate being single

Having the time to be single and flying solo is pretty rare, so enjoy it. Take it all in, utilize that time productively, and rediscover yourself. There’s nothing greater than focusing on your growth, your happiness, and your goals. Do you.

7. Find yourself

Ok, so listen up—this one is really important…

Take time to find yourself. While in relationships, we sometimes lose sight of who we are. Discover who you are as a whole, and not just as a half. What do you like to do? What makes you feel good? What’s on your bucket list? Do you want to travel? Cook? Fly a plane? Whatever it may be, get out there and do it. Push your limits, and figure out who you are and what you want…

8. Everything happens for a reason

We may not ever understand why certain things happen. What I know for sure is that everything happens for a reason. Life sometimes throws curveballs, and it’s usually because there’s something better on the other side. Go with the flow, and let life take you where you are meant to be.

9. Let it out

Whether talking to friends, seeing a therapist, or journaling, let it out. Part of healing is expressing your emotions. Whether through art, physical activity, writing, or talking, it’s all a form of expression. If you hold it all in, you’ll hinder yourself from truly moving forward. Not processing your feelings and working through the pain of a break-up can also negatively affect your future relationships. We all have the ability to cope in a positive and healthy way, and this really is a crucial step…

10. Love and forgiveness

While doing all of these listed above, don’t forget to love and forgive yourself. Often times, we blame ourselves for certain things. Remember, this break-up is not your fault. Sometimes two people aren’t meant to be together, and that’s okay.

Always, always, always, love yourself…

11. Take care of yourself

Above all else, take care of yourself. Be healthy—mind, body, and soul. Know that you have the ability to accomplish anything. You are enough, and you don’t need another half to feel whole. Remember, you are the priority.

Feel like some self-TLC will help you feel better? Check out some tips on how to better care of your body here!

Don’t forget to subscribe and also connect with me on the following platforms: PinterestInstagramTwitter, Google+, and Facebook!

xx,

Paula