How to Cope When Life Changes Instantly

One of the major lessons I learned at a very young age is that life changes instantly. It literally takes a split second for your entire world to spin ‘round and flip upside down—before you can even blink an eye, nothing will ever be the same again.

When I was 7-years old I lost my mother in a car accident. When you’re a kid, you don’t expect that life changes instantly, but it does. I didn’t quite understand where she went, or the extend in which it would affect me, but it changed my life in more ways than I could have ever fathomed at that point in my development. Yes, I still had my father and my sisters, but the childhood that I had—the childhood that I knew—didn’t exist anymore.

Over the years I struggled with how unfair life was. How could this happen? How is it that life changes instantly? It used to kill me to think of what life could have been like if she was still alive. It would hurt to even remember moments I had with her.

Overtime, however, the anger dwindled. Even though I didn’t understand why my mother was taken from me for so many years, I realized that it was better to embrace her memory. To remember the things she taught me. To remember her laugh. To remember the sparkle in her eyes. I tried to remember the person she would want me to become. I tried to remember that she would want me to be happy…

While visiting with family a few weeks ago, we decided to look at old photos. I opened the first album, and there was her face. She had a smile on in every single picture. She held us tight in every photo. She was living her best life. She embraced every single moment, even though she had no idea her life would end sooner than it should have.

Along with several other incidents that have happened over the last few months, seeing my mom smile in those pictures reminded me that every single moment we are alive and breathing is precious. I have learned that it is possible to find something good in every situation. I have learned that sometimes it’s those awful things that happen that teach us the most about ourselves, as well as how we choose to view the world.

After devastating, catastrophic events, one has the choice to perceive life as a taker rather than a giver, but is that what life is actually about? We are what we make of things—we are how we choose to face adversity—we are who decides which perspective to take. The choice is between light and darkness—which will you choose?

Despite of the setbacks and barriers, smile, be grateful, and don’t take anything for granted. Our lives are delicate, and extremely valuable. The slightest thing can create chaos. Regardless of the situation, remember that things could be worse.

Here’s how to cope when life changes instantly:

Breathe 

Stop. Breathe. Take a second to think about what’s happening.

Wait

Don’t make any decisions until you are calm and have had adequate time to process the situation.

Count on others

Turn to people in your life that you love and trust. You don’t have to go through whatever is happening alone—lean on others and accept their help.

Feel what you need to feel

It’s okay to be angry and feel the million other emotions rushing through your body and mind, but don’t let it take over. Anger and other feelings can sometimes consume us, so be cautious…

Focus on the positive 

No matter how bad things can possibly get, there is still good to be found. Look for the silver lining. Try to focus on the positive aspects, even if it seems impossible…

Forgive 

When things go sour it’s usually because something bad has happened. Whether because of something done independently, or something done by another person, choose to forgive. Forgive so that you can move on. Forgive so that you no longer hold on to negative feelings. Let go of the hurt. Let go of resentment.

Acceptance

Eventually you’ll learn to accept, or try to accept, the new. Do your best to adjust to the changes, and remember that over time everything to be okay. Remember to breathe…

life | life changes instantly | positive thinking | silver lining | coping

The fear of loss is real–here’s how to cope…

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xx,

Paula

Unhealthy Relationships and How to Take Your Power Back

Unhealthy relationships can take everything out of you. They will drain you of joy, confidence, hope, and anything remotely close to happiness. These unhealthy relationships are known to destroy your soul—to destroy your spirit. They are the relationships you will never forget just because of how much pain and agony you went through.

You got out. You’re free. The healing process felt like death, and you felt so weak along the way. But here you are, standing tall, and feeling stronger than ever before. You swear that you will never end up in a similar relationship, but how can you be sure? Dating can be deceptive, as the deeper you get, the clearer someone’s personality becomes.

Even though you would give everything to stay away from future relationships that resemble those destructive horror shows, it’s not always guaranteed. What is guaranteed, however, is not allowing another human being to make you experience those awful feelings again. What is guaranteed is never giving another person the power to hurt and control you again.

How is this possible? What does it have to do with power? Well, a lot, actually. Your power is knowing how valuable you are, and saying no when you are not being treated well. It’s being aware of your worth, and no longer making excuses for another person’s inappropriate, hurtful behavior.

Whether currently in an unhealthy relationship that is bringing you down, recovering from one, or starting a new one, you can always take your power back…

Here’s how to take your power back:

Know your worth

Know that you are worthy of love, and worthy of good treatment. You deserve a healthy relationship in which you are happy, and you should not settle for anything less.

Say no

If something you are not okay with is happening, speak up. Say no. Make your voice heard, and do not allow for anyone, no matter who, to treat you in a way that makes you feel small, disrespected, or hurt. Remember, you deserve better.

Demand more

Along with not accepting inappropriate behavior, demand more. State your expectations and set a timeline. If things don’t improve, you may need to reevaluate your relationship and if it’s turning into one of those horror shows you previously experienced.

Pay Attention to Red Flags

Be aware of any red flags. You’ve been through this before, so keep an eye out for any strange, inappropriate behavior. Unhealthy relationships are not the business.

Listen to your gut

Always, I mean always, listen to your gut. You know when something is wrong, so be sure to pay attention. Learn how to decipher the difference between butterflies and anxiety. Learn when to call it quits, and when to stick it out just a tad longer. Connect your mind and your intuition; don’t use one to fight the other.

Express your expectations

Make it known early on what you will and will not tolerate. Explain that you need from a relationship, and do not accept anything less. This sounds like a potentially aggressive approach, but I think if presented appropriately, it can be very effective.

Give yourself permission to be vulnerable

It’s okay to put yourself out there. It’s okay to learn to trust again. It’s okay to let your guard down. Being able to let someone in is also part of your power source.

Feeling happy in a relationship is wonderful, however, it does not coincide with relinquishing your power. Even if you have been blessed the greatest, most supportive partner, keep your power. It’s a tool. It’s an instrument. It’s a means of strength that you can forever lean on. You never know when you’re going to need it next…

unhealthy relationships | relationships | power | self worth | permission

In a new relationship and not sure how to open up? Check out these tips on how to safely let your guard down…

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xx,

Paula

10 Ways to Learn to Love Yourself

Who would have ever thought it would be so hard to fully love yourself? We are who we are, and acceptance is key. But when surrounded by negative words, distorted perceptions, and unkind opinions that shouldn’t matter, it can be difficult to see the wonder in your soul…

We have relationships with people in our lives, and we choose to accept them as they are—the good, bad, and the weird. Wouldn’t it be incredible if we could have that same type of love and acceptance for ourselves? To know that our strange traits make us unique rather than different. To appreciate our insecurities and learn from them. To know that society does not define what beauty is. To know that we are perfect just as we are.

At the end of the day, even if surrounded by love and positive words, if you don’t believe those things internally, none of it is real. You are the best possible version of you, and you are incredible. Not one soul on the planet has the right to bring you down—but most importantly, do not give anyone that power. You are strong. You are resilient. You are worthy.

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one—nurture it. Be kind to it. Respect it.

Here’s how to learn to love yourself:

Positive Affirmations

Say positive things about yourself daily. Start with 2 or 3, and then add a few more. Overtime, this will help increase self-love, and improve self-perception. Being nice to ourselves is very much underrated…

Positive self-image

Feel good about yourself. Feel good about the clothes you wear, and how your look in them. Feel good walking in your shoes. Feel good when you look at your image in the mirror. If you see yourself in a positive light, others will too. Set the tone, and fill it with positivity and love.

Self-talk

This one is important… self-talk is crucial when learning to love yourself. Get rid of negativity when talking to or about yourself. If you start to have a negative thought, try to replace it with a positive one. Doing this at first may seem difficult, but overtime, it will become an automatic correction.

Be yourself

Always be who you are—wherever you are, and whomever you’re with—be you. If you can put the real you out there, you will learn to love yourself (more than you already do). The best part about this? People will recognize how genuine you are and will absolutely love you too…

Accept Compliments

Part of self-love is hearing people when they compliment you. Look them in the eyes as they say it, take in their words, and respond with “thank you.” You are beautiful and you should know it.

Cleanse

Cleanse your life of any people that bring you down. It is important that any toxicity be removed from your life. While learning to love yourself, you also need to learn to let go of the demons that are bringing you down.

Keep your power

Do not give anyone to the power to judge or criticize you. The thing to know here is that people will always be unkind, but when you don’t give them any power, you are immune to the hurt they can cause you. Your only job is to be happy and please yourself. Don’t give up your power…

Give yourself permission

Give yourself permission to love yourself. Give yourself permission to be yourself. Give yourself permission to be quirky—those are the best things about you.

The strange things

Embrace the weird things about your personality. They make you who are you, and you are the best possible version of you. Stay weird!

Know your Worth

You are worthy of love, respect, and kindness from others, and most importantly, from yourself. You are valued, and you are worth loving.

Know that you are loved, give others permission to love you, and learn to love yourself…

self-love | love yourself | love | personal growth | positive thinking | wellness

Feeling like you’re not enough? Here’s 7 ways to know you are enough…

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xx,

Paula

Ditch New Year’s Resolutions and Embrace These 7 Concepts in 2018

New year’s resolutions are quite big in our social culture. Whether going for it solo, or as a group, it’s one of those things that’s expected every year. Going around the table and sharing your goal for the year has become such a norm.

So you begin to set goals for yourself — new year’s resolutions. What will you work on? How will you improve yourself? What will you change? It’s several weeks into January, and you find that you haven’t taken any steps to meet your goal. You’re failing. You become disappointed in yourself. You find your face in a pint of ice cream wondering why you ever worked so hard on creating new year’s resolutions in the first place.

After starting the new year’s resolutions process, you’re left unmotivated—but what if you could do things differently? What if you need that initial glimpse of hope? That little glimmer of positive change in your life, just to prepare you for those bigger goals. We all need change every now and then, and maybe new year’s resolutions aren’t for you…

There are alternate routes of support when hoping to improve aspects of your life, whether in the new year or not. Regardless of goals or changes needed, center your desires on creating happiness. Consider what will bring you joy, and what will help you lead a more positive life. How will these basic changes help you meet your larger goals? First, set the foundation—once you’ve got the basics down, everything else will follow.

Embrace these 7 concepts in the new year:

Embrace love

Love truly is the greatest gift of all—it’s all you need. Whether self-love, or love shared with others, embrace it. Take it in—really feel it. Having loved ones to turn to, in good times or bad, is a blessing. Cherish those relationships, and treat them with the utmost care. Sometimes it’s the simplest things in life that provide us with the strongest type of support…

Embrace happiness 

Find the things that bring you joy and run with it. Find your happiness—do whatever it takes to keep it going, and continue to facilitate its’ growth and development. Your happiness is unique; do not compare yourself to others, and do not allow others to judge you.

Embrace positivity

Pay close attention to both the positive and negative aspects of your life. Make it a point to eliminate anything toxic, including people. Cleanse your world of anything that deters you from being at peace.

Embrace change

There are always things that need to change, but first, concentrate on the basics. What is causing you stress? What’s causing you sadness? What’s hindering you from growing as an individual? Along with removing things that are toxic, how will you alter your life so that light can enter? How will you eradicate the darkness?

Embrace your health

Laugh. Dance. Play. Run.

We all have limitations, but do whatever it takes to enjoy your mind and body. Be grateful for your health, and take care of yourself. Avoid taking this gift for granted—you only have one body, so treat it well…

Embrace today

This cannot be emphasized enough…be present. Enjoy every single moment of every single day—be there. Remember the scents, the sounds, and the face of the person you are engaging with. Remember the sound of their laughter. Remember the feeling of the sun beaming down on your face and warming your skin. Remember that exact moment that perfectly-shaped snowflake landed in the palm of your hand during the first snowfall of the season. Whatever you are doing, be present.

Embrace life

Accept what life has handed you, and rather than resenting the universe, try to consider how this can benefit you. What is the silver-lining in this situation? Once you start to focus on the good versus the bad, you will open the gates to appreciation and acceptance. Living a life that you accept is far more exciting than a living a life that you detest…

Happy New Year!!!

new years resolution | change | positive thinking | goals | new year |2018

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Paula

7 Ways to Embrace the Holidays and Combat Stress

The holidays are just around the corner, and I am beyond excited to start celebrating. Christmas is literally one of my favorite holidays. There’s something particularly special about bundling up by the fire, sipping hot cocoa, and hanging out with loved ones. The best part, however, is having your heart filled with joy and being completely awe-stricken as you stare at the bright, beautiful Christmas tree that’s taking up half of your living room. There’s really nothing like it…

Even though cookie-cutter holidays are what we all strive for, the holidays aren’t always so cheerful. A great deal of issues come up, including family drama, financial troubles, and sometimes, loneliness. Even though the holidays are perceived as the happiest time of the year, they can bring out some really dark feelings.

Stress rises, demands escalate, and money and time are scarce. Sometimes even the brightest of times can open our eyes to a great deal of hardship. So, in the spirit of the holidays, here are some simple strategies to take care of yourself and stay sane…

7 ways to embrace the holidays and combat stress:

Remember what the holidays are about

The holidays are about spending time with the people you love most. We all have that strange Aunt Sharon and creepy Uncle Mark that we’re obligated to see. Regardless, try to focus your time, energy, and joy on the one’s you love most.

Consider obligations

The holidays also call for many obligations, whether familial, at work, or in your relationship. Remember that you are one person, and that you can only do so much. Even though people may expect you to fulfill their requests, it doesn’t mean that you have to.

Set Boundaries

Part of holiday stress is sometimes family, and again, those unfortunate obligations. Be sure to set boundaries. Know your limits, and communicate them to the people in your life. It’s okay to say no when you need to. Again, be sure to take care of yourself…

That money, money, money…

Yes, the holidays are a time of giving, but be sure to give within your budget. It’s exciting to gift the people you love the big items on their wish list, but if it is not fiscally possible don’t do it.

Gifts are about the thought, and your loved ones probably just want to celebrate the holidays with you…

Be present

Whether buying gifts, or having holiday dinner with family and friends, be present. Enjoy every moment. Take in the sounds of laughter, catch all the smiles, really enjoy the eggnog you’re sipping.

Be sure to find fun in the things you need to do as well—there’s always something to enjoy and be grateful for…

Eat, drink, and be merry

Remember to enjoy yourself. The holidays are about happiness and togetherness…soak it all in. Eat, drink, and be merry!

Tradition

There’s nothing more joyful than joining your loved ones in tradition. Whether creating new traditions, or re-living old ones, make them special. Decorate your home, put up a Christmas tree, light the Menorah candles each night…do whatever it takes to embrace the holiday season.

Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones!! 

the holidays | stress | holiday stress | happiness |boundaries | combat stress

Under a lot of stress and not sure how to cope? Check out our 10 tips on how to overcome stress… 

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Paula

Breakups: The Difference Between Heartbreak and Being Broken

Breakups are literally the worst. You feel awful, and you’re not quite sure what’s going to happen next. Everyone copes differently, but usually there are tears, tubs of ice cream, and drunken karaoke nights. The thing with break-ups though, is that they don’t always come from the same place.

You would think that most breakups lead to heartbreak, but I don’t agree. I think heartbreak is real, but I also think that many relationships leave people broken. Some relationships are so awful, that the aftermath is actually the best part. The part where you get your freedom back. The part where you get parts of yourself back…

The relationship itself caused so much damage that the breakup was a saving grace.

I had a friend reach out to me a few weeks ago for some support during his breakup. He was heartbroken, and he truly felt that I could relate. Unfortunately, I couldn’t. I’ve been in relationships that left me damaged. The actual break-up was the happy part, not the sad part.

It is far more likely that those stepping away from a healthy relationship will experience feelings of grief and sorrow, whereas those walking away from a destructive relationship will experience feelings on the opposite side of the spectrum.

Breakups are never easy, however, if I had a choice, I would take heartbreak over destruction. The heart and the mind are delicate, especially when it comes to love. Missing the person you loved because of  beautiful moments shared is far more desirable then missing someone because you have become addicted to abuse. Being grateful for escaping the wrath and cruelty of a person is a very different type of loss…

At the end of the day, loss is loss…

Here’s how to come back from a breakup, whether sweet or sour:

Talk about it

Talk about your feelings. Share your experience. Whether with a close friend or a mental health professional, let it out. Expressing yourself will help you better process what you’re going through, and hence, learn how to cope in a healthy way.

Find yourself

It is possible to get lost in a relationship, good or bad. Find yourself. Rediscover those missing pieces. You will feel whole again, and it will make moving forward much easier.

Access your support

Rebuild lost relationships. Find your support network. Whether it be friends or family, surround yourself with people who love you and bring you joy.

Smile

Learning to be happy again is honestly the worst part, but you have to try. The first step is to smile. Remind yourself of the beauty around you, as well as the beauty within.

Don’t place blame

Placing blame doesn’t help anyone. Yes, I’m sure both you and your ex were equally responsible for how things went down, but don’t let whose right or wrong bury you. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is letting go. AND be sure to NOT blame yourself.

Embrace being alone

Being alone again is terrifying, especially if you had been attached for a long period of time. Face the fear, and embrace being alone. I can honestly say that learning to be on my own again taught me so much. I learned that I can do anything and everything independently, even though my ex-partner thought otherwise. This allowed me to dispel many of the shortcomings my ex claimed I had, and I was able to reclaim my autonomy.

Get your life back

Get your life back. I mean that in every sense possible. Do the things you love, spend time with people that make you laugh, be happy. Take back all the things, and parts of you, that your ex seized. Take back the power and strength that were stolen from you. Get your life back…

breakups | heartbreak | being broken | love | relationships

Not sure what the long-term effects of an unhealthy relationship are? Read up on what the emotional consequences might look like… 

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Paula

7 Things to Try When You’re Feeling Stuck in a Relationship

Feeling stuck is a place no one thinks they’ll end up, nor is it a place anyone wants to be. When one meets their new heartthrob, you can literally foresee what the next several years will look like—so much happiness that it’s coming out of your nose, an abundance of laughter, and more loving feels than you ever imagined possible.

But what if life takes a different course? A course that involves less happiness than you expected, and a whole lot of resentment and wishing things were better? Unfortunately, this is a reality in many relationships. The crazy part is that this is usually the case with the love affairs we expect to last forever.

So where do you go from here? You feel like your relationship has hit a wall, and sometimes you feel like you want to bang your head against that same wall. You’re feeling stuck. Do you walk away? Well maybe…? But what if you just need some space? You love your other half so much that words can’t do that love justice—seriously, how did you end up here?

Well, the first (and most important) question you need to ask yourself is if you’re feeling stuck because of you, or because of the relationship.

In order to figure it out, try these seven things:

Take a step back

In order to get a wide angle view, sometimes you need to step out of your comfortable bubble. What does the picture look like from a different standpoint? Do you like what you see? What would you do differently if you could move pieces of the puzzle around?

When we look at our lives from a different perspective, from a different lens, it’s possible that new things may come to light…

Brainstorm

Spend time considering the issues you’re facing. Once you have that down, brainstorm how to overcome those issues. It’s okay if you can’t do it alone; be sure to ask for help.

Rediscover you 

Feeling stuck can sometimes be related to losing sight of who you are, and which direction life is taking you. This happens—a lot—and it’s called a crisis. Rediscover yourself. Reinvent yourself. Learn new things, try things you’ve never done before, spend time alone. Be sure that you’re able to figure out what it is that you need to get unstuck, and pursue it.

Reconnect with your social network

Humans are social beings. Yes, being in a relationship is great, but don’t cut out the people in your life. Rather, make it a point to reach out to those people. Spend time with others, especially good friends and family members. So much of who you are comes from the strong bonds in your life. If you can reconnect with an important person, it’s possible for you to reconnect with healthy parts of yourself you forgot existed…

Be basic

No one wants to be basic, but I promise, this is a good kind of basic. Go back to the basics. The best parts of you stem from the things you love to do—the things that make you who you are. We all grow up, move on, and forget the things that we love. Go back there. Go back to the places that make you smile, and do the simple things that bring you absolute, unconditional joy.

Want to go for a bike ride by the beach? Or swing on the playground all day? Or just cuddle in your mom’s lap while watching rom-coms and sipping on hot cocoa? Yeah, do that—do all of that. It will ground you.

Talk to your partner

It may feel like you’re the only one feeling stuck, but maybe your partner’s on the same boat. Talk to each other. Let your partner know how you’re feeling and have a discussion. It’s possible that the two of you may have grown out of this relationship. Or maybe you just need some fire to re-ignite that flame. Whatever it may be, communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner.

Make changes

At the end of the day, whether moving forward solo or with your partner by your side, something needs to change. Figure out what you want, and go after it. Life is too short to be unhappy, and you’re the only person who can make you happy…

feeling stuck | relationships | communication | change | self-care | back to the basics

Still not sure if you’re in the right relationship? Here’s how to know if it’s real love…

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xx,

Paula

7 Ways to Be a Supportive Partner During Tough Times

We all have ups and downs in life, and being a supportive partner requires a delicate balance. It can be particularly difficult to watch the person you love most go experience hardship. Being a supportive partner through this rough-patch is important to you, but you’re not quite sure how to approach it…

You love your partner to the moon and back, and would literally do anything to end their suffering. Some of us are fixers, while others may choose to sulk in their sorrow prior to engaging in damage control. Regardless of how you handle hardship, you should approach the topic in the same way that your partner chooses to move forward.

Every single person copes differently, and depending on the situation, as well as your partner, you may need to maneuver with caution. Model after your partner. If they’re gung-ho about getting out there and fighting the battle, join them in that confrontation. If they need to take time to think and feel their emotions, feel with them.

Again, there is no right or wrong way to cope or be a supportive partner. What’s most important is remembering that this isn’t about you, it’s about your partner.

Check out these tips on how to support your partner during a difficult time…

Pay attention

Sometimes people aren’t openly willing to share what’s happening. Be sure to pay attention to any changes in behavior. Is she not as talkative? Is he not his cheerful self? Does she look like she’s been crying? Does he seem angry and irritable? These may be signs that something’s up…

Ask questions

If you notice a difference in your partner, ask what’s going on. This will show your partner that you care, and will also provide them the opportunity to talk about it. Be sure not to probe too much, however. Do not push your partner to share if they are not yet comfortable doing so.

Listen

If your partner is ready to share their experience, listen. Don’t judge, and don’t interrupt. Just listen. Verbally talking about thoughts and feelings is a way to process what’s happening—this can be very helpful, especially if your partner is taking time to let things sink in.

Offer help

When we love and care for someone, it’s likely that our first instincts are to help and protect. This may not always be what your partner needs, so be sure to ask how you can be supportive. It’s possible that listening is all the help your partner needs, and that’s okay. If more help is asked for, be sure that it falls within your boundaries too.

Provide encouragement

Remind your partner of how intelligent, kind, and strong he is. Remind her that she is talented and capable of achieving anything. Provide him that delicate push and support he needs, and remind him he has the skills to overcome this, as well as any, roadblock.

Stand united

Help your partner see that you will be there through thick and thin, and that you’ll stay by her side no matter what happens. Let him know how much he means to you.

Hug it out

Physical touch can be very helpful, especially during times of hardship. Research has shown that something as simple as a hug can release happy chemicals in our brain, such as Oxytocin. Not only that, but it will continually strengthen the bond you share. If you feel uncomfortable doing any of the things listed above and only want to give hugs, it’s just as helpful…

Being there for your partner, no matter in what sense, is incredible. Remember to breathe, and everything will work itself out. Stay hopeful, and remember to search for the silver lining…

supportive partner | love | relationships | hardship | communication | support

Still not sure how to convey wanting to be a supportive partner? Check out these tips on how to best communicate with your partner…

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xx,

Paula

9 Tips on How to Unplug from Social Media

I truly have a love-hate relationship with social media. Times have changed, and we now have 24/7 access to excellent tools that allow us to surf the web at any moment of the day—we literally have the entire content of the internet at our fingertips.

Having access to the internet and social media has been life altering in many positive ways, but is it possible that people are pushing the limits? Is it possible that we have begun to encounter more negative aspects than positive ones? Is having constant access to the internet changing the way in which people interact, view, and experience things?

There are many aspects, such as connecting to others, that have had such a positive impact on the way that people interact. I absolutely love seeing what my friends are posting on social media—whether it’s photos of their burritos, boyfriends, or babies—seeing how happy they are brings me so much joy.

However, there are parts of the online experience I don’t necessarily enjoy. One in particular is when I’m spending time with someone who cannot be bothered to put their phone down long enough to be present and enjoy the time we are spending together.

It’s important to consider if the hype of social media is causing people to forget what living life is all about? Is the need to post a photo, or see someone else’s photos worth missing out on your own experiences?

Life is meant to be personally seen and experienced so we can create memories. Yes, a photo is worth a thousand words, but what if one can’t remember what made taking that photo so special in the first place?

A while ago I posted an article about how the new FOMO is not being able to unplug and enjoy being present in the life you’re living—the fear of missing out on real life experiences and joy. With this, it’s also important to learn how to unplug.

Check out these 9 easy tips on how to unplug:

Put the device down

Seriously, the first step is to put the phone down. When with others, turn it off or put it on vibrate and focus on those in your presence. Enjoy the time you spend with others—time is the one thing that we can never get back, so make it worth while…

Look around

You may see things you never saw before. Beauty is sometimes in the places we least expect. So again, put the phone down, walk with your chin up, and enjoy your surroundings.

Engage others

Spending time with your friends? Great. Talk to them. Shoot the shit. Laugh together. Whatever you do, just enjoy yourself.

Live for you and no one else

Engage in activities because they will improve your quality of life and add value to your life. Refrain from doing things because “everyone else” is, or because it’s “cool.” Imagine yourself looking back twenty years from now—will that memory make you smile and have positively contributed to your life somehow? If the answer is no, it’s definitely something to re-consider…

Don’t judge a book by its cover

Social media may not be an accurate depiction of people’s lives. Hence, it’s important to live the best version of your own life. Yes, FOMO is a real thing, but make sure it’s a fear that’s actually worth giving up valuable time and experiences.

Unfollow models and bloggers

Seriously, unfollow. The lifestyle that people are paid to lead is not realistic. Do not feel like you are missing out. The sooner you can unfollow these accounts, the sooner you can live the amazing life sitting right under that beautiful nose of yours…

Focus on you, because you are beautiful.

Do not seek validation online

The number of likes on your Instagram or Facebook are in no way equal to your worth as a person—you are worth so much more than a virtual thumbs-up. The sooner you can see this, the sooner you can put that phone down…

Less is better

Privacy is a beautiful thing. Less is better. The less you post, the less people know about you. There is so much data on the internet, and that can sometimes be scary. Do you want everyone to have access to where you are and what you’re doing? Remember, once something is posted, it can never be unseen. Post with discretion.

Go off the grid

Going off the grid can be so badass. As mentioned above, people are now able to access our every move and see exactly where we are and what we’re doing—some secrecy can go a long way…

social media | unplug | be present | less is better | internet

Is social media bringing you down? Read up on how it might be destroying your self-esteem…

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xx,

Paula

Millennials and the Transition from Twenty to Thirty

The transition from twenty to thirty has proven to be rather special for millennials. Unlike previous generations, millennials have had ample time and opportunity to live out dreams and adventures. Although the desire to explore life still exists among those in their thirties, there is definitely a drastic shift in lifestyle between twenty and thirty. Whether it be the way millennials in their thirties socialize, make lifestyle choices, or love their partner, it is not nearly the same as being twenty.

I was definitely one of the millennials that had the opportunity to move away for college, travel, develop friendships that will last a lifetime, and really figure myself out. The way I lived when I was twenty is very different than the standard of living I desire now. It is possible that this is due to societal norms and expectations, but also, I think people grow out of certain things.

Growing out of things, or growing up has a lot to do with sense of self, the stability one creates, and maturity. Over that decade, each person is able to discover the direction in which they would like their life to go. Regardless of being single, or married, in a career, or in school, or living in your parents’ basement—we all make choices that allow us to best convey our values.

I believe that as a person, we remain the same. I am who I am, and my age will never change that. However, as I grow up the things that I find to be most important shift.

What the transition from twenty to thirty looks like…

Big dreams

The things we desire in our thirties are significantly different than those in our twenties. The dream is now owning a home, or starting a family. Again, this is a reflection of the life one envisions for themselves, but as we get older, the dreams get bigger and bigger—literally and figuratively.

Time and convenience

Thirty makes it much more difficult to find a reason to engage in an inconveniencing task. Those tedious, awful undertakings, like finding parking in LA, or waiting in line at the hottest “it” bar, can cause one to reconsider whether to pursue that activity or not. Time is of the utmost importance, and wasting that time is not the business.

Health

More than ever before, leading a healthy life in all aspects—mind, body, and soul—is a top priority. Having a burrito every day is no longer okay. Drinking your liver away every weekend is no longer okay. As you grow up, you realize that you only have one body—it’s beautiful, it is a gift, and it’s important to take care of it.

Balance

Balance is crucial to the success of any adult, whether twenty or thirty. Life pulls us in so many directions these days—not to mention, stress levels are higher than ever before. Finding balance in order to sustain wellness is pertinent. Meditate, stop answering work calls when you’re off the clock, get a massage every month—whatever it takes, find balance.

Fun

Ah, fun. The things that change the most. Currently, I enjoy staying in, taking my dog to the park, watching TV with babe, and going to bed at 10PM. In my previous life—my twenties—we would just be starting the night at 10PM. I look back and can’t even imagine how I used to keep up with that lifestyle. Regardless, I wouldn’t change a thing, past or present…

Graduation parties vs. wedding parties

Literally everyone and their mothers gets married around thirty. It’s so exciting to see my closest friends find their soulmates and begin a life together. Marriage is a pretty big deal, even though it may not seem like it. We’re not in college anymore, Toto…

Family

Spending time with family isn’t at the top of your list when you’re trying to figure out who you are, and where your place in the universe is. Twenties are meant for solo time. Thirties, however, are meant for rejoining the family dynamic—or creating a family of your own. Spending more time with your parents and siblings, really getting to know your nieces and nephews, and possibly having your own child, become such a substantial part of your life. It’s quite lovely…

The hott guy vs. the good guy

Choosing a partner is always a task, whether you’re in your twenties or thirties. The difference is, however, that what you’re looking for in a partner changes. You start to consider the long-term: Do you want the same things? Have the same values? Are you compatible? Do you enjoy the same activities? Do you like your partner’s family? All of these things become important. I mean, this is the rest of your life we’re talking about, not just a date to the school dance.

Yes, thirty seems to be more serious, but it’s also a time to cherish all that you have accomplished—you owe it to yourself to live the life that you want, no matter what others say…

millennials | growing up | transition | lifestyle |thirty | twenty

Feel like you’re missing out on all the things you used to do? Check out why it’s important to unplug…

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xx,

Paula