7 Things to Try When You’re Feeling Stuck in a Relationship

Feeling stuck is a place no one thinks they’ll end up, nor is it a place anyone wants to be. When one meets their new heartthrob, you can literally foresee what the next several years will look like—so much happiness that it’s coming out of your nose, an abundance of laughter, and more loving feels than you ever imagined possible.

But what if life takes a different course? A course that involves less happiness than you expected, and a whole lot of resentment and wishing things were better? Unfortunately, this is a reality in many relationships. The crazy part is that this is usually the case with the love affairs we expect to last forever.

So where do you go from here? You feel like your relationship has hit a wall, and sometimes you feel like you want to bang your head against that same wall. You’re feeling stuck. Do you walk away? Well maybe…? But what if you just need some space? You love your other half so much that words can’t do that love justice—seriously, how did you end up here?

Well, the first (and most important) question you need to ask yourself is if you’re feeling stuck because of you, or because of the relationship.

In order to figure it out, try these seven things:

Take a step back

In order to get a wide angle view, sometimes you need to step out of your comfortable bubble. What does the picture look like from a different standpoint? Do you like what you see? What would you do differently if you could move pieces of the puzzle around?

When we look at our lives from a different perspective, from a different lens, it’s possible that new things may come to light…

Brainstorm

Spend time considering the issues you’re facing. Once you have that down, brainstorm how to overcome those issues. It’s okay if you can’t do it alone; be sure to ask for help.

Rediscover you 

Feeling stuck can sometimes be related to losing sight of who you are, and which direction life is taking you. This happens—a lot—and it’s called a crisis. Rediscover yourself. Reinvent yourself. Learn new things, try things you’ve never done before, spend time alone. Be sure that you’re able to figure out what it is that you need to get unstuck, and pursue it.

Reconnect with your social network

Humans are social beings. Yes, being in a relationship is great, but don’t cut out the people in your life. Rather, make it a point to reach out to those people. Spend time with others, especially good friends and family members. So much of who you are comes from the strong bonds in your life. If you can reconnect with an important person, it’s possible for you to reconnect with healthy parts of yourself you forgot existed…

Be basic

No one wants to be basic, but I promise, this is a good kind of basic. Go back to the basics. The best parts of you stem from the things you love to do—the things that make you who you are. We all grow up, move on, and forget the things that we love. Go back there. Go back to the places that make you smile, and do the simple things that bring you absolute, unconditional joy.

Want to go for a bike ride by the beach? Or swing on the playground all day? Or just cuddle in your mom’s lap while watching rom-coms and sipping on hot cocoa? Yeah, do that—do all of that. It will ground you.

Talk to your partner

It may feel like you’re the only one feeling stuck, but maybe your partner’s on the same boat. Talk to each other. Let your partner know how you’re feeling and have a discussion. It’s possible that the two of you may have grown out of this relationship. Or maybe you just need some fire to re-ignite that flame. Whatever it may be, communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner.

Make changes

At the end of the day, whether moving forward solo or with your partner by your side, something needs to change. Figure out what you want, and go after it. Life is too short to be unhappy, and you’re the only person who can make you happy…

feeling stuck | relationships | communication | change | self-care | back to the basics

Still not sure if you’re in the right relationship? Here’s how to know if it’s real love…

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xx,

Paula

What Turning Thirty Feels Like for a Millennial

Wow. I just turned thirty. Who would have thought turning thirty would come as quickly as it did…

I can still remember my twenty-first birthday—it literally feels like it was just yesterday. Twenty-one is always the golden age you really wait for because you finally get to go out drinking and things. You know, the fun stuff, lol.

As I look back on all of the crazy shenanigans my friends and I got ourselves into, and how much fun it was, I realize that I could no longer engage in those types of activities at this point in my life. Growing up entails so much, and until you hit a huge milestone, such as turning thirty, you don’t realize how much you’ve changed.

The change I see isn’t a negative change. It’s a change full of memories, successes, adventures, and many mistakes—mistakes that I learned from. It’s so hard to believe that I’m letting go of my twenties and moving on to a new chapter.

I think the transition from twenty-nine to thirty isn’t just about another year, but rather, the end of your childhood. The end of your young adulthood. Your ability to make mistakes and still have an opportunity to come back from that. It’s about resilience, and heart break, and growth, and learning to love yourself.

Holy shit. Did I really go through all of that and make it out alive? Whoa. 

Yup. That’s what turning thirty feels like to me—knowing that I experienced some of the most difficult, life changing, yet amazing years of my life. This is why I am who I am today. These are the experiences that got me to thirty. These are the lessons that helped me stand on my own two feet and be successful.

This is turning thirty.

So yes, I’m feeling super anxious, but also super excited. I couldn’t imagine starting a whole new decade and chapter in my life without being where I am now. Without being who I am now. Without being comfortable in my own skin, loving what I do, and loving the person I share my life with. Not to mention, having the sweetest pup on the planet.

I seriously couldn’t ask for much else…

Turning thirty, especially if you’re not where you had hoped to be, may not be as easy. However, I am still a firm believer that timing is everything. Maybe you need to be stronger before you are handed your big moment. Maybe you need to be wiser. Maybe you need to have hit rock bottom first.

Regardless of the scenario, remember that life gives you what you need when you’re ready and able to accept it. So roll with the punches, focus on the positive things, and let life take its course.

Each year brings us new excitement, love, and adventure. Embrace. Every. Single. Moment. Take it in like it’s the last thing you’ll ever see, hear, taste, or feel. Appreciate everything that you have been given, and remember that you are not only one year older, but also one year wiser and one year stronger.

Aging isn’t about getting older, it’s about all the things we learn along the way.

Even though I am nervous, I couldn’t be happier to be turning thirty.

Thirty is the time when life is stable, things are comfortable (but not boring), and staying in on a Friday night with a box of pizza and bottle of wine is cooler than going to the club.

Wait…so I never technically have to go clubbing again!?!? Hallelujah!

Thank you, thirty, for a beautiful welcoming filled with an abundance of joy and laughter…I really couldn’t have asked for more…

xx,

Paula

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The Election: Why Things Happen and How to Create Change

 How to Create Change and The Question “Why?”

Now is a time of change, and unfortunately, it consists of changes many of us are not onboard with. Why? Is a really important question here, especially during this election: WHY is this happening? HOW could this have happened? WHAT are the repercussions? HOW can I deal with this?  

Well, there isn’t an answer that fits all those questions, but there are ways in which you can make this transition easier for you and your loved ones. I know this is not something anyone wants to hear or do, but the first step is accepting the results of the election. That is now something that no one can change. The time for any alterations has passed, and even though there is still a great deal of resistance and anger, we all just have to accept it. This is now a reality—yeah, I know. Gross.

But acceptance is the first step to coping and managing an undesired change. Change comes in all shapes, forms, and sizes. Some big, some small. No matter the aspect in which change occurs, it is important to work around it, and do what’s best for you and the people in your life.

Here are a few ways in which you can make this shitty change a bit better:

1. Stand up for what you believe in

You are a human being with wants and needs, especially when it comes to biological, social, psychological, and gender related issues. Stand tall, and speak up for yourself. Always be who you are, but remember to present your perspective and also have the ability to listen to others. If we are fighting for our rights, and the right of all of our brothers and sisters, it must be done with peace, humility, and kindness.

2. Educate yourself on the topics you are passionate about

Have all the facts, and even take time to educate others. Knowledge is a gift, and a type of wealth that all should entitled to.

3. Let your voice be heard

Share your thoughts and opinions with others—you are intelligent, and the first amendment still exists. Exercise your freedom to speak.

4. Be part of the change

I am so proud of my friends who attended the Women’s March all around the country yesterday. In Los Angeles alone, there was an approximate number of 750,000 people marching. If that isn’t peacefully standing up for what you believe in, I don’t know what is…

5. This isn’t only about you, but about humanity

There are so many of us who may be fighting this change for personal reasons, but we should fight this for all of humanity. Yes, all Americans will be effected, but so will people around the world. Creating change is about more than just one group of people, but rather, for all mankind. (Man, I feel like an ad for Seven Jeans…lol)

6. Stay positive

However you decide to move forward, stay positive. Even in the darkest of times and places, light can be found. Even though this sucks, you will find a way to make things okay…

7. Most importantly, be kind

Be kind to yourself, and be kind to others. Battling change isn’t about a fight, but rather, about coming together with others in peace and standing up for what you believe in.

Spread kindness, spread love, spread positivity—it makes all the difference…

election | Donal Trump | create change | resist

**The photo above was taken in a jewelry store, and The Donald was literally wearing a suit of cash. Literally. Not much has changed since then…#truth

xx,

Paula