Commitment and How to Customize Your Relationship

Commitment can be one of the most beautiful things in life. Having the one you love most—your person—by your side every single day provides a sense of stability and comfort that is unlike any other. Commitment, however, can also feel like you’re crashing down into a mountain of misery.

Things always start out beautifully, but the demands of life can sometimes alter how a relationship functions. Whether working together, or against one another, your relationship can potentially take a turn for the worse.

There is only one way to guarantee that your relationship will be filled with happiness, laughter, and love—make it your own. There is so much societal pressure to act a certain way, or follow a specific path, but that doesn’t work for every couple. Communicate. Sit down with your partner and discuss the ways in which your relationship will best operate. Consider what traditions and rules you want to create, as well as the type of lifestyle you hope to lead together.

Deciding what works best for you and your partner is vital in creating a strong, successful commitment. Take time to figure out, within your individual and shared values, how you would like to move forward in your relationship. Commit hand-in-hand, compromise hand-in-hand, and walk through life hand-in-hand.

Sharing a life isn’t always as easy as it sounds. In order to fully commit to your other half and keep your relationship out of the fire-pits of misery, figure out what works best for your both…

Ready to customize your commitment? Here’s how to do it:

Question social norms

Society tells us that we need to follow certain rules to be “accepted.” It can be difficult to veer away from what seems “normal,” but if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Find your own way. Find the appropriate “norm” for your relationship and run with it.

Focus on your happiness

Being happy doesn’t always coincide with what is expected of you by others, i.e. parents, society, culture, etc. Talk to your partner about what is acceptable for you as a couple. Openly discuss some of those especially difficult topics like religion, or how to raise your kids, so you each know what you’re signing up for.

And most importantly, remember that it is difficult to please everyone at the same time—focus on pleasing yourselves and the rest will eventually follow…

Set boundaries

Whether setting boundaries with other people in your life, or with one another, make sure those are in place. Boundaries allow your relationship the space to grow in whichever direction you and your partner choose.

Be honest

Honesty is the best policy. Share your true thoughts, feelings, and needs with your partner. Allow room for an open discussion. If you need to create a special form of communication that you’re comfortable with, go for it. Do whatever it takes to help you both express your process.

Working together is a significant part of growth and commitment, so be sure to make it a part of your day-to-day communication…

Listen

Take the time to hear what your partner is saying. Ask questions when you don’t understand your partner’s perspective, and do your best to acknowledge where he’s coming from. Be respectful. Be understanding. Be kind.

Compromise

Make decisions together. Find what works for you both, even if it’s not ideal, and follow through. Come to a conclusion that both you and your beau are okay with—this will provide peace and comfort, and allows both of you to have your opinions considered. This way, you can avoid resentment, which is the silent-killer of many relationships.

Stick together

No matter what, stand by one another. Support each other. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and vice versa. Do not allow others to dictate what needs to happen in your relationship. Do not allow others to cause conflict on your relationship, or turn the two of you against each other. If you don’t have each other’s’ best interest at heart—if you don’t have each other’s backs—then who will?

Find your way—find what will support the needs of both you and your partner. Be different. Be unique. Be happy. Be in love. Be as committed as you possibly can to a relationship that you love…

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Feeling stuck in your relationship? Here are some things to try…

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xx,

Paula

10 Ways to Love Your Partner Wholeheartedly

Love is selfless, love is kind, love is a gift.

Love is one of those things that we can feel, see in the eyes of another, and verbally express. However, it’s not something we can measure. One can say they will love their partner to the moon and back, or more than unicorns love cotton candy, but actions speak much louder than words.

In my current relationship, I have been able to recognize real love. The difference is that rather than hearing simply hearing “I love you,” I can feel it in my bones. I can see it in how he treats me. I can experience it in how we communicate. I know we are right for each other because he loves me the way I need to be loved.

Love languages are real. The way each person expresses and interprets love is unique—if someone can love you the way that you need to be loved and vice versa, you’re definitely ahead of the game.

Above all, choosing to love someone is much stronger than the love itself.

You can love a flower, but if you neglect to nurture and water it, it will die. Relationships are similar—to maintain a strong and healthy relationship, you must invest an appropriate amount of time and effort into nurturing that connection and meeting the needs of your partner.

Please don’t confuse meeting the needs of your partner with neglecting yourself. You can engage in a great deal of giving in a relationship, all while not losing sight of your own needs and boundaries. Remember that compromise is vital in the success of a relationship, and it’s important to maintain a balance.

Balance is key.

Love is different for each person, but the foundation of a relationship comes down to a few things…

What is love?

1. It’s a choice

You and your partner must choose to be with one another—to be present, to be invested, and to be engaged. If one person is not as interested in the relationship as the other, problems will arise. Don’t stay in a relationship if it’s for the wrong reasons, as it is emotional torture for both parties.

2. It’s a priority

You can include someone in your life, but not prioritize him or her. Create a life together, and include that person in your decision process. Whether deciding if you’ll relocate for a job, or what to order for dinner, include your partner in making a decision. This person is your other half, and should be allowed an opinion and choice.

3. It’s compromise

Put your partner first. Sometimes it’s the little things, and sometimes it’s the big things. As long as you know what your limits are, it is okay to put your partner’s needs before your own sometimes. Sacrifice is a huge part of relationships, and it will show your partner just how committed and invested you are. However, it’s important to remember that this is a two-way street.

4. It’s being dependable

Be there. No matter what it is, be there for your partner. If you two cannot be there to care for and support one another, who will be? Again, prioritize your partner and relationship over other things.

5. It’s being present

Be there—emotionally and mentally. This is crucial to the success of any relationship. Presence isn’t necessarily a physical concept, and we are able to see that in long-distance relationships that are healthy. Connection isn’t about where you are, but rather, at what capacity you’re present. Be involved.

6. It’s putting up a fight

Fight for the person you care for, no matter what the situation is. If you want person this person to be a part of your life, fight. 

7. It’s picking your battles

Some things are worth fighting for, and others just aren’t. Decide when you’re willing to compromise, and talk to your partner when you’re not. As long as you communicate, things will be okay. 

8. It’s getting physical

Physical attraction and love are a huge part of relationships. Be intimate and love your partner. I’m not just talking about sex, but rather, connecting with your partner. Whether it’s cuddling, holding hands, or engaging in a mere kiss, it’s the simple things that can feel the most intimate…

9. It’s not taking your partner for granted

Love your partner and treat them with kindness and respect on the regular. If you knew today was the last day you would see your partner, what would you say? What would you do? Yeah—that’s how you should treat your partner every single day. You never know when the last time is the last time…

10. It’s a package

Respect, commitment, trust, compromise, fun, laughter, etc. Love is a package. How you choose to seal, wrap, and deliver that package is what makes each relationship unique. The basic foundation of each relationship comes down to a few vital and necessary qualities; this allows for a healthy relationship to continually thrive and develop.

Choose commitment. Choose happiness. Love wholeheartedly

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Wanting to reignite the spark in your relationship? Check out our ten tips on how to keep the novelty alive!

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xx,

Paula