Category: The Power of Positivity

Nine Ways to Quit Negative Thinking

We all do it. It’s ok. I’m guilty of it too. Negative thinking is one of those things that happens, sometimes more often than not. It can be because you’re hard on yourself, because others are hard on you, or because life has previously handed you some super sour lemons. Regardless of the reason, negative thoughts can be all consuming

Again, having some negative thoughts is normal; you’re only human. Nothing is perfect all the time. However, this negativity can quickly become a habit, and change the way in which you perceive the world around you. How can you appreciate anything if everything around you is so terrible?

Negative thinking can cause a great deal of dissatisfaction, even if things are going pretty well, generally speaking. Nothing is good enough. You’re not good enough. Everything is shit. Life is shit. Everyone is horrible. Why is this happening?

Well, it’s happening because once you go down that road of negativity, you find yourself in a downward spiral. It’s moving quickly, and you’re not quite sure when it started, how it started, or how to get out of it. You are angry, and your outlook on life is one that is, for lack of a better word, unhealthy. It’s time to make a change…

Here’s your step-by-step guide to working through negative thinking:

1. Stop and breathe

When you find a negative thought coming on, stop, take a deep breath, and try to breakdown what makes this a bad thing. Once you’re able to identify what’s causing the thought, it will allow you to understand why you feel the way you do.

2. Challenge the negativity

Challenge that negative thought with a positive one. Once you’ve mastered step one listed above, you can take that negative thought and replace it with a positive one—if this is difficult at first, try replacing it with a neutral thought.

3. Look around

There are so many wonderful things in your life, and it’s important to identify a few positive things each day. Whether it’s how cute your dog is, to how amazing your SO is, or as simple as the plant on your kitchen counter that continues to bloom, take in the things that make life beautiful.

4. Know that you are enough

Positive affirmations are really important. Once you feel good about yourself, everything else will start to feel good too. As you’re getting ready for your day, say three positive things about yourself in the mirror. Do this each day for a few weeks, and you should begin to notice a change.

5. Do what you love

Bring joy into your life. The happier you are, the better life will feel. Do more of the things you love, with the people you love. Enjoy yourself.

6. Smile and welcome the unknown

Put your beautiful smile on, and be confident in the amazing things you bring to the world. Walk around with an open heart, and welcome what the world is offering you. Sometimes it’s the unexpected events that truly impact our lives for the better.

7. Acceptance

Accepting the things we cannot control, although easier said than done, will allow room for personal growth and the ability to appreciate things for what they are. Try to find the silver lining in every situation. It’s true that every bad comes with good, and vice versa.

8. Get your cleanse on

Misery loves company. If you want to make a positive change in your life, sometimes that means cleansing your life of all negative things…including people. Surround yourself with those who are positive, those who bring good to your life, and those who bring out the best in you…

9. Appreciate more

Appreciate the things life has provided you. Once you learn to let go of the negative thinking and focus on the positive things in your life, you will feel more fulfilled. With so much good, you will be less likely to focus on the negative things.

Focus on the good, challenge the negative, and remember all of the things you have been blessed with. Life is beautiful…

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xx,

Paula

Don’t Settle: Why You Should Wait for The One

I know. It’s literally the most cliché thing ever, but seriously, don’t settle. Wait for “the one” because it’s so worth it…

As we get older and into our twenties and thirties, society tells us that it’s time to settle down. This message is clearly conveyed to us by the abundance of invitations in our iCalendar for weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, and well, whatever other cheesy crap goes on.

You get dressed, put a smile on, walk in without a date, because you’d much rather fly solo than walk in on the arm of the douche of the week…

I literally did this for two years. TWO YEARS. It did feel much longer than that, however, due to my ex basically being non-existent emotionally. He was just a warm body and not much else. Zero fun.

Anyway, I went on date after date with plenty of handsome, intelligent, successful men, all while trying to ignore the thought that my clock was ticking. Literally all of my friends were getting married—I guess that meant I should also be aiming for that? Everyone in my life was asking if I had met someone wasn’t helping either. Even with all of the pressure, I refused to settle.  

None of these lovely dudes were the right dude. And even though we had fun, and laughed, and these fellas had plenty to offer, it still wasn’t enough—something was missing.

Remember that puzzle I talked about last week? And how when you find your missing piece, everything kind of comes together? Yeah, that happened after two years of dating. From the moment we sat down with that first bottle of Cabernet we shared, I knew there was something about him. Something special. There was a spark.

Regardless of my excellent ability to self-sabotage, I managed to stick it out. With this, I was lucky enough to find my one. Again, I really believe that life provides you with exactly what you need at exactly the right time. If I would have settled at some point in my dating adventure, there’s a chance he and I would have missed our opportunity.

Here’s what it feels like when you find the one:

You feel it in your gut

Things just feel right. I can’t quite explain it, but every part of you is drawn to this person. It’s kind of magnetic…

Things are easy

No fighting, no games, things just flow. Every couple has their issues, but it goes back to that 90/10 rule I wrote about a while ago. You should be happy wayyy more often than not.

Your lives mesh well

You like to do the same things, your social circles click, your families are basically in love, it just works.

The attraction is real 

I’m not just talking about a physical attraction, but your energies really connect. Energies find similar energies. Again, you just vibe.

Support

You will find yourself in a supportive environment. It’s most likely working because you guys value the same things. With this, your partner will be your biggest fan—the one who supports you the most. What’s the point of being in a relationship if the person by your side isn’t willing to stand by you?

Your love language

You will most likely have the same love languages. If you don’t know what your languages are, you can take the test for free here. Trust me, it’s worth the time!

You can’t imagine life without them

Even after a short period of time, you can’t imagine what life was like before sharing your experiences with this person. How was it possible to live, or exist, without them? It just seems insane…

Everything is better with them

Literally, everything. They improve your life just by being in it. You can’t wait to share news with them, and all you can think about when leaving the office is getting home to them. The level in which this person enhances your life is substantial, and being able to have this for possibly ever because you chose not to settle is just beyond comprehension.

You’ll know when you’ve found the one…don’t settle, and don’t lose hope. It’s all about timing…

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xx,

Paula

Love is Not Created Equal

Love is one of those things that comes in all different shapes and sizes, and it’s never the same. Each piece is different, and definitely not created equal.

Have you ever been in love? Or thought you were? Where you feel like your heart is going to burst because you love the person standing by your side so much? Yeah, I’ve been there. Been there, and done that. Twice. The difference, however, is why one relationship lasted and the other didn’t. One was corrupt, and the other wasn’t.

Love can be an evil-eyed monster sometimes. It can be so intense that it literally feels like you’re dying inside. It’s the kind that makes you sacrifice your needs, your happiness, and your wellness just to make the other person happy. A love that is miserable and viciously demanding—it’s simply the worst.

That was the first kind of relationship I had. Where I loved so much that it turned to hate—eventually some of that was me hating myself.

I took so much away from who I was and what I wanted. What I thought was me “loving” someone else was actually slowly chipping away at me.

Now, I’ve been lucky enough to find a love that is the complete opposite. A love that I gladly give, unconditionally, because I know I will receive the same. A love that makes me smile, and feel full, and laugh uncontrollably all the time. One that is so selfless and passionate, that my heart feels like it’s going to burst.

A love that provided me with the support and care I needed to be a better human being. A love that gave me the hope and courage to pursue my dreams. One so strong that it would stand by me no matter what.

This is my definition of love. This is what I expect and need to have a successful relationship. How I was lucky enough to find it? I have no idea.

So take time to think about what you need in a relationship. Is it the type that will make your heart feel so full that it’s going to explode from all the joy? It could be the type where you and your partner just can’t bear to be apart? Or the type that will allow you a great deal of space and the ability to be as selfish as you need? Each person requires something different, and as long as you and your partner are on the same page, it will fit.

Love is like a puzzle. Once you find your missing piece, it literally feels like your whole life has come together.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d always felt very fulfilled: I have great friends, a wonderful career, and an abundance of adventures to look back on. But still…something was missing.

I came to find that my missing piece was sharing my life with someone who wanted the type of loving feels I was able to give, and vice versa. A person who has the same values and goals. A person who enjoys the same lifestyle.

Basically, it’s all about that puzzle—when it fits, it fits. When you know, you know.

Don’t settle for anything less…

xx

-Paula

To learn more about how I found my love, click here!

What Turning Thirty Feels Like for a Millennial

Wow. I just turned thirty. Who would have thought turning thirty would come as quickly as it did…

I can still remember my twenty-first birthday—it literally feels like it was just yesterday. Twenty-one is always the golden age you really wait for because you finally get to go out drinking and things. You know, the fun stuff, lol.

As I look back on all of the crazy shenanigans my friends and I got ourselves into, and how much fun it was, I realize that I could no longer engage in those types of activities at this point in my life. Growing up entails so much, and until you hit a huge milestone, such as turning thirty, you don’t realize how much you’ve changed.

The change I see isn’t a negative change. It’s a change full of memories, successes, adventures, and many mistakes—mistakes that I learned from. It’s so hard to believe that I’m letting go of my twenties and moving on to a new chapter.

I think the transition from twenty-nine to thirty isn’t just about another year, but rather, the end of your childhood. The end of your young adulthood. Your ability to make mistakes and still have an opportunity to come back from that. It’s about resilience, and heart break, and growth, and learning to love yourself.

Holy shit. Did I really go through all of that and make it out alive? Whoa. 

Yup. That’s what turning thirty feels like to me—knowing that I experienced some of the most difficult, life changing, yet amazing years of my life. This is why I am who I am today. These are the experiences that got me to thirty. These are the lessons that helped me stand on my own two feet and be successful.

This is turning thirty.

So yes, I’m feeling super anxious, but also super excited. I couldn’t imagine starting a whole new decade and chapter in my life without being where I am now. Without being who I am now. Without being comfortable in my own skin, loving what I do, and loving the person I share my life with. Not to mention, having the sweetest pup on the planet.

I seriously couldn’t ask for much else…

Turning thirty, especially if you’re not where you had hoped to be, may not be as easy. However, I am still a firm believer that timing is everything. Maybe you need to be stronger before you are handed your big moment. Maybe you need to be wiser. Maybe you need to have hit rock bottom first.

Regardless of the scenario, remember that life gives you what you need when you’re ready and able to accept it. So roll with the punches, focus on the positive things, and let life take its course.

Each year brings us new excitement, love, and adventure. Embrace. Every. Single. Moment. Take it in like it’s the last thing you’ll ever see, hear, taste, or feel. Appreciate everything that you have been given, and remember that you are not only one year older, but also one year wiser and one year stronger.

Aging isn’t about getting older, it’s about all the things we learn along the way.

Even though I am nervous, I couldn’t be happier to be turning thirty.

Thirty is the time when life is stable, things are comfortable (but not boring), and staying in on a Friday night with a box of pizza and bottle of wine is cooler than going to the club.

Wait…so I never technically have to go clubbing again!?!? Hallelujah!

Thank you, thirty, for a beautiful welcoming filled with an abundance of joy and laughter…I really couldn’t have asked for more…

xx,

Paula

If you like this, click here to find out more about me!

 

How to Handle a Health Scare

Needing to handle a health scare can be terribly frightening…

Our bodies are a gift. A gift that is a blessing, and allows us to think, and move, and do all the things that bring joy to our lives. It’s a super hottie gift. And also a gift that we may take for granted sometimes…

I recently experienced some symptoms that were concerning, and actually super scary. A full-blown health scare. Because I work in healthcare, I immediately thought of the worst case scenario. I wondered how bad it could be, and I tried to figure things out. Obviously, the first thing I had to do was go see a doctor. Not my favorite thing to do, like not at all lol. This, in and of itself, is terrifying because physicians are trained to tell you if something is a problem or not. The worst part is when the doctor gets that look on his/her face and says that they’ll need to do further testing. That usually means that something is wrong…

Luckily, nothing concerning was found, and I am so so so grateful for that. However, having gone through this provided me with an alternative perspective. One, as a health care professional, and two as a person with family and friends who have been diagnosed with a chronic illness.

Because I practically live in a hospital, death is now an everyday thing. Illness has become the norm.

My own personal experience helped remind me of how frightening it must be for patients to come in for a health scare examination, come in for a procedure, or come in for their chemo treatments. Because this is now my norm, going through this allowed me to have more empathy for what my patients, friends, and family members might be feeling. The fear, the angst, the anxiety, or even just the thought that something might be seriously wrong with their body.

I also came to find that if you’re the person being screened for a potential diagnosis, having a positive outlook isn’t necessarily the answer. I’ve always believed in the saying “expect the worst but hope for the best,” and that’s what I did.

Throughout this process, the people in my life who were aware of what was happening continued to reassure me that nothing was wrong, and that everything’s going to be ok. Which before you have the final results could be totally true, but what if it’s not?

Because I knew how bad the news could potentially be, I was hopeful rather than positive. I was hoping that nothing would be wrong, but I wasn’t expecting for nothing to be wrong. I took the time to consider potential outcomes for each possible scenario, and try to prepare myself. If the prognosis was poor, how would I process the bad news? If I needed treatment, would I pursue that? And if I needed help, who would be available to help me?

Again, because I work in healthcare I knew that these thoughts could potentially become a reality…

I feel lucky to have had such amazing support while all this was happening, and I am grateful that I am healthy. Health is wealth. Having a functioning, strong, well body is so important, and really, all that you need.

Take care of your body, love your body, and cherish all the things that it can do. It could all be taken away with the blink of an eye…

Most importantly, love your body. It is beautiful, and it is perfect just the way it is. We spend so much time criticizing our bodies when we should really be appreciating them.

Enjoy your body. Appreciate your body. Love your body. 

xx,

Paula

To learn more about me and what I do for work, click here!

The Election: Why Things Happen and How to Create Change

 How to Create Change and The Question “Why?”

Now is a time of change, and unfortunately, it consists of changes many of us are not onboard with. Why? Is a really important question here, especially during this election: WHY is this happening? HOW could this have happened? WHAT are the repercussions? HOW can I deal with this?  

Well, there isn’t an answer that fits all those questions, but there are ways in which you can make this transition easier for you and your loved ones. I know this is not something anyone wants to hear or do, but the first step is accepting the results of the election. That is now something that no one can change. The time for any alterations has passed, and even though there is still a great deal of resistance and anger, we all just have to accept it. This is now a reality—yeah, I know. Gross.

But acceptance is the first step to coping and managing an undesired change. Change comes in all shapes, forms, and sizes. Some big, some small. No matter the aspect in which change occurs, it is important to work around it, and do what’s best for you and the people in your life.

Here are a few ways in which you can make this shitty change a bit better:

1. Stand up for what you believe in

You are a human being with wants and needs, especially when it comes to biological, social, psychological, and gender related issues. Stand tall, and speak up for yourself. Always be who you are, but remember to present your perspective and also have the ability to listen to others. If we are fighting for our rights, and the right of all of our brothers and sisters, it must be done with peace, humility, and kindness.

2. Educate yourself on the topics you are passionate about

Have all the facts, and even take time to educate others. Knowledge is a gift, and a type of wealth that all should entitled to.

3. Let your voice be heard

Share your thoughts and opinions with others—you are intelligent, and the first amendment still exists. Exercise your freedom to speak.

4. Be part of the change

I am so proud of my friends who attended the Women’s March all around the country yesterday. In Los Angeles alone, there was an approximate number of 750,000 people marching. If that isn’t peacefully standing up for what you believe in, I don’t know what is…

5. This isn’t only about you, but about humanity

There are so many of us who may be fighting this change for personal reasons, but we should fight this for all of humanity. Yes, all Americans will be effected, but so will people around the world. Creating change is about more than just one group of people, but rather, for all mankind. (Man, I feel like an ad for Seven Jeans…lol)

6. Stay positive

However you decide to move forward, stay positive. Even in the darkest of times and places, light can be found. Even though this sucks, you will find a way to make things okay…

7. Most importantly, be kind

Be kind to yourself, and be kind to others. Battling change isn’t about a fight, but rather, about coming together with others in peace and standing up for what you believe in.

Spread kindness, spread love, spread positivity—it makes all the difference…

election | Donal Trump | create change | resist

**The photo above was taken in a jewelry store, and The Donald was literally wearing a suit of cash. Literally. Not much has changed since then…#truth

xx,

Paula

The Secret to Happiness in Life is Just Learning to Let Things Go

Happiness is one of those things that should be a universal right. Unfortunately, it can sometimes be one of the most difficult things to attain. I had this piece published via Elite Daily this morning, and I wanted to share it with you guys.

This piece talks a bit about what it feels like to be a in place where things aren’t going as planned, and you kind of feel stuck. Also, it describes the process in which one can finally reach acceptance. It also  explores why learning to let go is a really important concept.

We have the option to go left or right at the fork in the road. Ultimately, why not take the one, that even if longer and outside of your comfort zone, will have a better outcome?

Check it out here, and please feel free to comment and share your thoughts! 

I hope that this piece can provide some help in a moment of hardship!

xx,

Paula

If you like this, please click here to learn more about me!

Love Happens When You Least Expect It

Love happens when you least expect it.

Love is one of those things that we all hope for. Falling in love has been modeled to us for years in fairytales, films, and even in real life. I always knew I would someday find my knight in shining Armani…at least until I didn’t know.

After having gone twenty-nine years with failed relationship after failed relationship, I hit a point where I no longer wanted to fall in love with someone else.

What I needed was to fall in love with myself.

I took a break from dating and spent the majority of my time doing things that I liked—things that I was doing for me. I spent more time with my family and friends, I traveled, I continued to develop my career, and I enjoyed the little things.

I was happy.

I was excited about life, and I was grateful for how full my life was. I was motivated, and I was looking at the world through a new lens.

I realized that the moment I stopped focusing on what was lacking in my life, was the moment I was able to see just how lucky I was. I was surrounded by wonderful people who cared about me, and I was living a life that I had only dreamt of.

Positivity.

Having a positive outlook on life completely changed my perspective. It made all the difference. I was so grateful for the opportunity to appreciate the things life had provided me. With this, I became more open to the unknown, to new experiences, and also to love.  

Little did I know, but all of the positivity I had been feeling was radiating to those around me. I found myself constantly surrounded by people who were pleasant and vibrant, and before I knew it, love found me.

When I least expected it, the man of the dreams walked into my life.

You know that knight in shining Armani that I had been waiting for my whole life? Yeah, him. He walked through the door and everything changed. I mean, he wasn’t in Armani, but Ted Baker had never looked so good on a man…

Energies attract like energies. It’s the law of attraction. I hadn’t been ready for him because I needed to learn to focus on other aspects of my life—the good things, the little things, the things that brought me joy. I needed to realize that I was enough. When I took the time to work on myself, truly love myself, and take a step back to see just how lucky I was…life sent me exactly what I needed.

It’s not about the destination, but about the journey.

Trust life. Trust the process. When the time is right, you will be provided with exactly what you need. In the meantime, enjoy the ride and appreciate the lessons learned.

Remember, you are always enough…

xx,

Paula

New Beginnings

She Who Spoke has come to life…cheers to new beginnings!

It’s been one day since I grabbed this domain off the market, and I’m so excited to get started. I literally think I’m driving my boyfriend insane so far. I kept him up until 2AM yesterday to help me choose a theme for this site. Am I still choosing themes? Yup. lol.

But hey, you have to invest all of you into the things that you love. Into the things that make you feel inspired. Into the things that bring you joy.

This brings me joy. 

I cannot wait to embark on this new journey with She Who Spoke. I cannot wait to share my thoughts and views with many readers. I cannot wait to help others overcome some of the obstacles that life might throw their way–if anyone knows about hitting a bunch of life hurdles, it’s me.

Life is beautiful, and I am so happy to share that beauty.

xoxo,

Paula

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