Going through a break-up can be rough…
You and your beau just ended things. You’re still trying to fathom what the hell just happened. Is it really over?? What? Seriously, what just happened?
All of the moments shared, the nights of laughter and cuddles, all of the fun and adventure…turns out it wasn’t enough. None of it makes any sense. How can you live a life where your beau isn’t by your side?
We’ve all been there, and have made it through that unthinkable mess. No matter how many times you go through heart break, it never gets easier. If anything, it gets harder. As we get older, we tend to have more meaningful relationships, too. With this, we invest more, we have future plans, and it feels nearly impossible to walk away.
A very good friend of mine was sharing with me how difficult it’s been to try and move forward after her break-up. She and her fiancé broke it off, and it’s been devastating. She and the person that committed to spending their lives together just bailed. We’re not talking about cancelling a dinner and a movie date here, we’re talking about walking away from forever.
Whoa. That’s heavy.
So how do you make it through a break-up? Other than watching Dirty Dancing, and scream-singing at the top of your lungs to your favorite Dashboard Confessional songs, there are plenty of things you can do.
Check out my guide to best cope with a break-up:
1.Prohibit contact
I truly believe in a no contact policy. This was something I did with my last break-up, and it made things so much easier. Cut the ex out of your life, cold turkey. It can be difficult, but it’s well worth it. If you absolutely need to, replace the ex’s number with your best friends’. Any desire to make contact will be fulfilled by connecting with someone else that you love.
NO. CONTACT. POLICY.
2. Say goodbye to social media
Whatever social media platforms you two are friended on, DELETE THE EX ON ALL OF THEM. Seriously, you just have to. In order to move on, you cannot know what your ex is up to, where your ex is, or who your ex is now dating. Pressing that unfriend button will provide you with the space you need to start letting go—it will allow you to move forward. It really is the first step…
It doesn’t hurt to delete all of the ex’s family and friends too. Yes, there may be some mutual friends you still really like, and that’s fine. However, you might want to consider limiting what shows up on your feed for the first few months…
3. No cyber stalking
Seriously, no stalking. It is detrimental to your healing, and seeing things you don’t want to see will be very hurtful. Like, so unbelievably hurtful. Don’t do it.
4. Get out there
Whether it’s seeing your family more often, arranging dinner dates with your girlfriends, or joining a kickball league, get out there. Being social will help you remember that there is life outside of your failed relationship. It will also remind you of how much fun you can have.
5. New experiences
Go on adventures. Whether solo, with friends you’re re-connecting with, or new friends, just get out there and enjoy yourself. Life has so much to offer! When in a relationship for so long, trying new things that are outside of your comfort zone aren’t typically the norm. The newer the experience, the better.
6. Appreciate being single
Having the time to be single and flying solo is pretty rare, so enjoy it. Take it all in, utilize that time productively, and re–discover yourself. There’s nothing greater than focusing on your growth, your happiness, and your goals. Do you.
7. Find yourself
Ok, so listen up—this one is really important…
Take time to find yourself. While in relationships, we sometimes lose sight of who we are. Discover who you are as a whole, and not just as a half. What do you like to do? What makes you feel good? What’s on your bucket list? Do you want to travel? Cook? Fly a plane? Whatever it may be, get out there and do it. Push your limits, and figure out who you are and what you want…
8. Everything happens for a reason
We may not ever understand why certain things happen. What I know for sure is that everything happens for a reason. Life sometimes throws curveballs, and it’s usually because there’s something better on the other side. Go with the flow, and let life take you where you are meant to be.
9. Let it out
Whether talking to friends, seeing a therapist, or journaling, let it out. Part of healing is expressing your emotions. Whether through art, physical activity, writing, or talking, it’s all a form of expression. If you hold it all in, you’ll hinder yourself from truly moving forward. Not processing your feelings and working through the pain of a break-up can also negatively affect your future relationships. We all have the ability to cope in a positive and healthy way, and this really is a crucial step…
10. Love and forgiveness
While doing all of these listed above, don’t forget to love and forgive yourself. Often times, we blame ourselves for certain things. Remember, this break-up is not your fault. Sometimes two people aren’t meant to be together, and that’s okay.
Always, always, always, love yourself…
11. Take care of yourself
Above all else, take care of yourself. Be healthy—mind, body, and soul. Know that you have the ability to accomplish anything. You are enough, and you don’t need another half to feel whole. Remember, you are the priority.
Feel like some self-TLC will help you feel better? Check out some tips on how to better care of your body here!
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xx,
Paula